Monday, February 4, 2013
The Tale of the Wild Metal Flatbed at Walmart
As usual, Matt was quick to remind me that my lack of grace is hilarious.
Me: Can you turn the heater down? It's burning my open wound.
Matt: *laughs* You're open wound? You scraped your leg on a metal flatbed at Walmart.
Me: I'm bleeding. Therefore it's a wound, and it's open. And the car heater is cauterizing it.
Matt: *Begins talking in a pirate voice* Oh aye? There I was, in the waste land of Walmart, where out of no where, I was attacked by a wild, savage flatbed. But the beast was metal! And it tore at my leg, leaving a massive bleeding, open wound!
Me: You're making fun of me? *glares*
Then he decided to bring up the time when I was eleven and I literally walked into the back of a staircase and knocked myself unconscious.
Matt: *Still in a pirate voice* Oh, it reminded me of the time I faced off against the beastly staircase that smashed into my face. Even though I knew it was there, I just kept walking.
Me: I didn't know it was right there. I knew it was in the general vicinity.
Matt: *Pirate voice continues* It lingered in the area, and I searched it out to attack! With my face.
Me: That's actually pretty funny. You should retell the story about how when I was seven I ran into a crowd of sixth graders at recess with my eyes closed and ended up face planted into the asphalt.
Matt: *Normal voice* Well, now I can't. You've ruined my jeering.