For those just tuning in, for the last two years I have been writing letters to myself that automatically post on my blog each month throughout the year. It's my way of keeping up with progress and showing myself the difference an entire year can really make. Instead of obsessing on the little things, I'm looking at the big picture.
So earlier this month the letter I'd written myself from October 2011 posted.
And here is the difference that one year can make.
October 2010 Letter - Major relapse in the mental illness department. Thankfully new life brought you out of the darkness and you had a new nephew to spoil.Mental Illness or Chronic Illness. October was a month full of appointments. I was finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia but the stress of other potential illnesses kept me on edge. However, unlike the past when I've blamed myself for all my problems, I believe I'm learning to sit back and accept things as they come and try to move on from there. I have my moments of self pity, but when I come out of them, I know I'm better for it.
October 2011 Update - Your OCD was at an all time low and anxiety and depression were not far behind it. That's the difference a year can make!
This time last year . . . You started focusing more on your appearance because looking pretty made you feel very happy. You even joined a makeup challenge group to help you in your new addiction. You were determined to be active in your Church and decided to really go crazy for Halloween, so you and Josh went stag to the Halloween party and you dressed up as Twitter! Then on actual Halloween night, you and Matt gave homage to The Guild gods and then spent the night in watching movies.Social Life Much? Last year set a high standard of me (a former agoraphobic) stepping outside the house to mingle with people face to face. This month I think I've continued to take baby steps as they come. I've spent a lot of time with my sister and nephew, have been going to Church more often (because I've been learning to take better care of myself), I went to Sparklecon, saw a Broadway show and I've got plans for Halloween! It's a long process sometimes when combating anxiety issues and chronic pain, but there IS progress.
Your Weight . . .
October 2010 - 250 PoundsOctober 2011 - 233 Pounds
October 2012 - Between medications and a few set backs thanks to fibromyalgia, I haven't lost any weight lately. HOWEVER, I haven't been gaining much back either from my recent loss a few months ago. I'm hovering a 234 and knowing that I will continue to lose!
It's funny looking back on some photos how tired I looked. And I WAS tired! I was exhausted and I let it show because I thought it was my fault. I thought I was just lazy or that I was doing something wrong. And all that worry and guilt over health problems I had no control over! It's a weight taken off my shoulders, and though I am still tired, I know how to save my energy for the moments that really matter!