Me: So my appointment with my rheumatologist is next week, think you can take me?
Matt: Sure.
Me: That reminds me, we're both like two months late for our annual checkups.
Matt: I'm good.
Me: No, you have to see the doctor.
Matt: No, I checked, and I'm healthy.
Me: I'm not going through this again. You're going to get your yearly physical.
Matt: Actually, I already confirmed with the internet, and it says I'm perfectly healthy.
Me: Now I know you're lying, the internet only ever tells you that you have cancer.
Matt: Well not this time. The internet was all, "Hey Matt, how are you feeling?" and I said, "I feel pretty good," and then the internet said, "Well that's great! You're perfectly healthy! You never have to see a doctor again!"
Me: I'm on the internet like 90% more than you ever are, and I've learned that it's used for five main things.
- Porn
- WebMD diagnosing you with a fatal disease.
And I didn't answer him because I know he was just trying to distract me and make me forget to call the doctor to book an appointment for him. And while I don't use the internet for porn myself, I do use it for Pinterest, which let's face it, is basically porn.
PS: Speaking of the internet and porn have y'all seen the Avenue Q song/video? It's beyond amazing. The first time I ever saw it was where someone used the song and played it to the motions of World of Warcraft characters and while funny, it just can't top puppets. Nothing can top puppets. Except puppets singing about porn.
1 comment:
Oh, you guys! I have to agree with your five, webmd never tells me I'm okay, I tell it to shove it that I'm not dying no matter what it thinks!
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