Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Warning: I Do Not Support the Killing of Mythical Creatures
Matt: Hey, I had to throw away my lunch today because the fridge at work broke and all the food was ruined.
Me: Are you kidding? The lunch I made you was spectacular. It was glorious compared to all other lunches! You would have become a better man simply by eating that meal!
Matt: What was it?
Me: Heaven on a plate!
Matt: I saw it was a sammich already. What kind was it?
Me: It was a sammich made from the meat of the goose that laid golden eggs. No one will ever have golden eggs anymore, because I killed the goose, just to make you a sammich.
Matt: .... Seriously, what did you make me for lunch?
Me: Do you have any idea how difficult it is to kill a golden goose?
Matt: I thought it was the goose that laid the golden eggs? The goose itself wasn't golden.
Me: Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass it is to type out "the goose that laid the golden eggs" compared to "golden goose"?
Matt: You know what? Never mind, I don't even care what kind of sammich it was now.
Me: Unicorn gun.
Matt: Umm . . . wtf?
Me: That's how I killed the golden goose. A unicorn gun. Sorry, I was going back to our conversation in an attempt to overlook your criticizing of my texting.
Matt: A unicorn gun.
Me: Yes. A unicorn gun. It's the only known weapon that can kill a golden goose. Guess what the bullets are made out of!
Matt: . . . Unicorn?
Me: What? No, that's ridiculous. Why would a unicorn gun shoot unicorn bullets? That doesn't even make sense. Unicorn bullets explode with glitter on impact. Did you want a glitter sammich, cause that's gross and potentially dangerous. Although very pretty.
Matt: (stops replying to my texts for about an hour)
Me: Narwhal bullets.
Me: So I guess you were close, what with the unicorn bullet idea and all.
Matt: It was turkey and swiss wasn't it?
Me: PB&J, but close!
While the golden goose sammich may have been a slight exaggeration, I did once make him a butterfly sammich for lunch!