Live 50 Shades of Grey in 5 Easy Steps

Tweet

50 Shades of Grey has taken the world by storm. Another book about vampires an unorthodox relationship that has the masses screaming with opinions. You love it, you hate it, or you're still deciding . . . either way, 50 Shades of Grey has the internet buzzing.We here at UntypicallyJia.com don't make a point to judge. What two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom/car/boathouse/plane/elevator is their own business and none of mine. If you're on Team Fifty, I'm compiled a few simple steps to creating your own 50 Shades of Grey, so stow your twitching palms and read on.
 
1. Money - Find a Billionaire to be your partner in this endeavor.

• A millionaire will work. As long as he's incredibly damaged.
• If you can't find either, or you're already married then start searching the couch cushions for spare change.
• Money is not necessary - but it does help.

2. Location, Location, Location!

• Buy a can of red paint. Paint a room. Put a padlock on that room.

3.  Props - Get all your sex toys at EdenFantasys.

• You will need:
  
  • A Riding Crop
  • Handcuffs
  • Silky Restraints (or purchase a gray tie)
  • Other optional bondage and fetish materials.
  • You can even purchase 50 Shades of Grey at EdenFantasys.

4.  Communication is Key.

• Have the Dominant man in your life buy you a Blackberry and a MacBook Pro.
• Wonder why he bought you a really top of the line computer and yet a really crappy phone. I mean seriously, he's already going to buy you one Apple product, why not get an iPhone? Or at the very least an Android. But a Blackberry? Do people even still use those?

5. Get it in Writing!

• Create a contract.
• Create Hard Limits for yourself. For instance, my hard limits are Zumba and laundry. My husband's hard limit is reading 50 Shades of Grey.

One last piece of advice. Read all the rules very carefully . . . and then just break them all. Cause no matter how angry you both get at one another, you'll still want to have sex. Again and again and again.

And then you'll get hungry and have breakfast, but not before having sex again. And he might yell at you a lot for not cleaning your plate, but it's okay because even though you're seriously pissed off at each other about something ridiculous, your inner goddess will remind you how freaking hot he is and then you'll just have sex a bunch more times.

---

PS: If you hated the books, I'd recommend reading Twilight, you get all of the stalking and none of the porn.

PPS: Okay . . . how about Game of Thrones? That's a really good series and the only sex scenes involve slavery, prostitution and incest.

PPPS: Fine, read Hunger Games. No sex at all and just massive amounts of children murdering each other for television.

PPPPS: Just go outside and grab the manual from your car. Read that. It's safe.

Laters, Baby.