For those just tuning in, for the last two years I have been writing letters to myself that automatically post on my blog each month throughout the year. It's my way of keeping up with progress and showing myself the difference an entire year can really make. Instead of obsessing on the little things, I'm looking at the big picture.
So earlier this month the letter I'd written myself from May 2011 posted.
And here is the difference that one year can make.
May 2010 Letter - Perspective! May was about perspective. Weight loss be damned, you took care of yourself and started looking at what was on the inside. Which is amazing (as long as you also keep the outside healthy).Progression. These letters offer me a glimpse into the progression I've made, be it ever so small sometimes. While I haven't lost much weight, and depending on the month I've even gained back a pound or two, I can still look at these letters and see other ways that I've taken care of myself. May this year was all about health. I really dove deep into the mystery of my undiagnosed self and realised that I need to figure things out. I need to find a good doctor (which I did) and I need to get on the path to finding out what's wrong with me (which I have). And while the outcome doesn't look good, it's not all bleak and miserable. There are lights. And reading letters from years ago, I didn't always see the light at the end. But I can now.
May 2011 Update - You gained back some of the weight you lost but it was okay because it was a side effect of trying to get healthy. You kept perspective and most importantly, kept going.
This time last year . . . You turned 27, what you've always thought would be your perfect age. You were so happy and excited. You had accomplished so much. Don't forget that. You also purchased a new domain for your blog which you were super excited about (which will renew this month so keep that in mind). Your birthday is in a few days and you'll turn 28. Hopefully you won't be having a panic attack about that because as of right now, I totally am. 28 is a big deal. So celebrate to your hearts content!28 is great and . . . I'm happy. Not only happy with my life in it's current position, but for the first time in a long while I've been able to look myself in the mirror and really love what's looking back at me. I used to have this, a long time ago. Somewhere in my mid-teen years when Matt and I first fell in love. I was at a place where I was discovering who I was and really beginning to blossom, but of course weight gain, health issues, and peer pressure changed a lot of that and I started trying to fit myself into the mold of someone that everyone seemed to want me to be. And it's taken close to thirteen years to find that girl again. And she's just as spunky and awesome as ever.
Your Weight . . .
May 2010 - 255 PoundsMay 2011 - 234 Pounds
May 2012 - Didn't get on the scale at the right time, but that's okay. It was on a rough day where I knew I was retaining water thanks to my awesome health problems (<-sarcasm). It hit 242, and while that's certainly not optimal, I'm okay. I'm not 255, and I still look good and feel good about who I am and how I look.
Oh the difference a little pink can make. It's so weird. I know it's only been a year, but I look at the picture from 2011 and I can't even see me in it. Not really. Like there's a me in there somewhere, hidden behind a wall of insecurity, afraid to really use her voice. Sometimes she peeks up every now and then, but luckily, she has pink hair now, and no one can be too quiet when their hair is that loud.