Untypically in Love: Welcome to Utah

Read the full story, chapter by chapter here.

Some names and events have been changed to protect the identity of certain individuals.

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Chapter Forty-One
Welcome to Utah

The winter air blew through a small crack in the passengers window and I opened my eyes to see the most beautiful sight I'd seen in a long time: a fresh start. Freshly fallen snow lightly covered the ground as we entered Salt Lake City, my hometown. It had been several years since I'd been there, not since Grandma died. A long time since I'd seen my family, my older sister, my nieces and my father who was waiting for Chris and I to arrive at his home where we'd planned on staying until we each got on our feet.

We followed my Dad's directions which lead us to a small trailer park community in Sandy. My Dad was home to welcome me there with open arms, though a brief moment of awkwardness passed as we'd not seen each other in quite a few years. Not since he'd shown up on my doorstep back in New Mexico during a spur of the moment road trip where he'd met Matt face to face and let me drive his t-bird before I got my driver's license.


"How was the trip?" He asked after I introduced him to Chris.

"Long and cold," I yawned.

"Well get used to it, you're back home where it snows during the winter," he joked.

"Where's Miki and Johnny?" I asked after my step-mother and baby brother who I was eager to meet for the first time.

"Getting groceries. Gives you some time to unpack a little and rest up before dinner." My Dad lead us into his home where he showed us the spare room that we'd be sharing, which was right next to the bathroom that separated us from the master bedroom that he shared with his very pregnant wife and my two year old half brother. We sat on the couch in the living room catching up while Chris caught a quick nap, having driven the last portion of the trip while I napped. My Dad showed off his carpentry skills in the kitchen where he'd completely remodeled the cabinets.

When my step-mother Miki and brother Johnny returned, we had a quick introduction before Johnny became more interested in watching cartoons while Miki insisted on making dinner, a traditional meal from her home country of Bosnia. It wasn't long after dinner before the length of the trip - and the emotional farewell - caught up with me. Soon I was fast asleep in the spare room of my Dad's home - somewhere I'd never lived before, though back in the state that felt most like home to me. Still, something didn't feel quite right.

When we'd planned to move to Utah, I hadn't told many members of my family. Since everyone talks to one another - even in the days before Facebook - I knew that as soon as one cousin or aunt knew I was coming, the whole clan would be aware of my presence and I wanted to surprise a few people; mainly my older sister.

I called my aunt Debbie and told her I was back in Utah for good. She was excited and couldn't wait to see me. I had her arrange a family dinner with my sister Tiffany, who would bring along her own little growing brood. Debbie was sworn to secrecy.

Chris and I arrived at the restaurant late, just as planned and once we found the table they were seated at, I quickly hid behind a large decorative plant where I was kept from sight but could easily watch the show take place as Chris - who had never before met my family - approached the table with a big smile and familial voice.


"Tiffany?" He asked, looking directly at my sister, taking it a step further by referring to her by her maiden name, one she hadn't gone by in almost ten years.


"Yes?" My sister asked, suspiciously eying this stranger in front of her.

"Oh my gosh! It's me! Chris!" He smiled, leaning over to give her a quick hug of the shoulders. "We went to High School together!" He let out a few other details that I'd slipped him earlier and my sister smiled and pretended she knew exactly who he was.

"You don't remember me, do you?" He laughed.

"No, no . . . I do. It's just been a long time since High School," she lied, trying her hardest not to be that person who forgets someone who just recognized them. She was the picture perfect image of polite, even introducing her husband and children.


"Oh I talk about you all the time to my wife, she'll just be dying to meet you!" Chris exclaimed with excitement. "I'll go get her." He disappeared by walking around the corner to where I stood watching as my older sister embarassingly looked to her husband and then to my aunt Debbie.

"He's going to get his wife!" Her eyes were wide. "What am I going to say? I have no idea who that guy was!" It was obvious she was fumbling with the idea of getting up and leaving just as Chris came back with me on his arm.

"Are you really THE Tiffany?" I asked as I approached the table and watched her jaw drop to the floor. "My goodness, Chris has been going on and on about you for years."

Debbie burst into laughter as Tiffany sat there dumbfounded, covering her face as a blush crept against her cheeks. "Oh my gosh," she laughed, nearing tears. "I thought I was going crazy!" My sister stood up and wrapped her arms around me and suddenly I felt ten years old again. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here," I smiled.

"You live here?" She asked.

"Well, not here, I mean this is the Olive Garden, but Utah." I smirked. "Got here yesterday."


"How come I didn't know you were moving back?" She turned and looked at Debbie accusingly.

"Don't look at me, I just found out this morning," she laughed.

We all sat down and shared a meal. I caught my family up on the reasons for my leaving, though I left out a lot of the details which included two ex-boyfriends I had regrets dating, and the two I'd regretfully left behind. Chris fit in well enough, as he always did, and he was able to break the ice with my little nieces by making balloon animals for them. It felt good to be home.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Tiffany whispered to me as we got up to leave.

"No," I shook my head. "Just a friend who was game for a road trip."

"So, what happened with Matt?" She asked.

"It's a really long story," I sighed, not realizing that it had been so long that I'd spoken to my sister, she was still under the impression that Matt was in the picture - or at least had been until very recently. I considered avoiding bringing up Joseph and Riley and the year of hell I'd gone through, so I did just that. I put them out of my mind, refusing to allow them an inch on my new clean slate.

"I just needed to come home, start over, you know?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"I get it," she reached over and squeezed my shoulders. "We're glad you're back. Do you miss New Mexico at all?" She asked.


"For the most part no," I exhaled. "Just have a strange feeling like I forgot a few things is all."

The feeling continued to haunt me no matter what I did, which made me question everything I was doing. Did I leave the stove on? Did I lock the door? Did I forget my wallet? Anytime I left the house I was worried that something was wrong, all because this feeling wouldn't go away. I knew I'd made the right choice, coming to Utah. I needed this new start more than anything, and already I could feel it paying off. Except for that one nagging feeling.

Three weeks after our original arrival, Chris and I both moved out of my Dad's house and went our separate ways. Chris had reconnected with friends he knew in his own home state that had also relocated to Utah. He moved in with them in Riverton and took a job at a local hot spot restaurant in town. I moved to Holladay with my aunt Debbie and got a job at the University Hospital to work in the cafeteria. Salt Lake City is a very large area and consists of many smaller cities within it so traveling from one end to the other could very well take over an hour. Chris and I cut our ties due to inconvenience and went our separate ways.

Life then became all about reconstructing myself. I worked a lot, and I worked hard. Debbie also worked at the hospital, in the catering department so a ride to my job everyday was easy peasy. We'd wake up around four every morning and be to work by five. Debbie was a morning person and it rubbed off on me very quickly. I took to the new surroundings well, and I took to the people I worked with even better. I was good at my job, which felt great because it gave me something to concentrate on other than the nagging feeling that something was missing.

Eventually the feeling became overwhelming and I was losing sleep. I decided to return to Church, which was helpful because when you're really wanting a clean slate, there are fewer people that can give you one better than God. My new ward accepted me with open arms and love. My life was full again.

I was doing so well that when my cousins asked to set me up on a blind date, I felt ready to get back out there. He was a returned missionary that was in college and working. He had a total map for his life, was organized, healthy, fun and had a really good head on his shoulders not to mention good looking. We went along with my cousins to see a local band play, and then got pizza at a dive downtown before returning me home a little early due to my insane work schedule. The night was fine, the date went well, but that horrible feeling only got worse.

Something was wrong. I felt it now stronger than ever and it made my soul sick to focus on it for too long, but even when I tried to remain distracted, it never went away. It only got worse.