Untypically in Love: One to Go

Read the full story, chapter by chapter here.

Some names and events have been changed to protect the identity of certain individuals.

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Chapter Thirty-Nine
One to Go

"I'm bored," I said as I looked at Chris who was sifting through a list of music, trying to find a decent song to request. We were still planning on leaving the following morning, but it was New Years Eve and the Church was putting on a dance for the young single adults. One last hurrah before we said goodbye to New Mexico.

All I wanted to do was go home and sleep to prepare for the fourteen plus hour drive ahead of us, and in the middle of winter I'd have to be wide awake to make sure I didn't drift into a snow bank or off an icy cliff. I'd agreed to go to the dance though, wishing I at least had a date.

Matt and I hadn't spoken since Christmas day. We'd decided to be nice enough to each other for holiday sake, and unwrapping presents always put us each in a better mood. When the time came for me to leave, Matt waved and left it at that. It made me sick inside to leave things between us so tense, but I just reminded myself that it was for the best.

Josh on the other hand was anything but angry. I'd made plans to stop by his house the following morning before we left to say goodbye and he seemed perfectly content, as if my leaving made no difference whatsoever. Maybe he'd already gotten whatever closure he needed, or maybe I was being overly dramatic and made things harder for myself in thinking that anyone needed closure to begin with.

The countdown finished and balloons fell from the ceiling as everyone at the dance screamed, "Happy New Year!" Couples surrounding us began to kiss and I rolled my eyes. "Now can we go?" I asked Chris.

"Aww, you're a bummer. Can't you see the romance of the holiday at all?" He smirked.

"No. I'm single and the only two guys I've ever really loved I have to say goodbye to tomorrow. And did I mention one of them pretty much hates me?" I headed for the door.

Chris said a few quick goodbyes to some friends before following me out the Church door and down the stairs to where we parked the car, which was packed with all of our belongings. It was amazing that no one had broken in to steal everything.


"Well you shouldn't let Matt and Josh ruin your night," Chris said, always looking for the bright side. "Besides, you're leaving tomorrow. It's not like anything you said or did tonight would really change anything in the long run."

The ride home from the dance I thought about what Chris had said. He was right after all. I was leaving tomorrow no matter what, nothing could change that. But I didn't need to spend the night being pissed off. As we pulled into the driveway of Chris' parents house, I hopped out of the car and rushed over, snagging the car keys from his hand.

"Can I borrow the car for a little bit?" I asked.

"Am I going to need to take the first shift driving tomorrow?" He asked.

"Possibly. Depending on how well this goes." I nervously bit my cheek.

"Go, have fun. Tell Josh I said bye."

A few minutes later I pulled Chris' green car into Josh's driveway and gulped down hard. The last time I decided to be bold with Josh, I'd made an ass of myself and then spent several weeks wondering what the hell was wrong with me, before he finally decided to ask me to be his girlfriend. We didn't have that kind of time. I was leaving in the morning and more than ever, was determined to have one last good moment in New Mexico before leaving all the sadness and regret behind me.

I knocked on the door softly, checking my watch quickly to see it was already after one in the morning. I grit my teeth, hoping that I wouldn't wake him up. The door slowly opened and Josh stood there with a grin on his face.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for your trip?" He asked.

"Nah, it's New Years Eve, I'm supposed to be partying or something." I shrugged.

"Technically it's New Years Day." He pointed out.

"Well . . . we can pretend." I suggested.

Josh chuckled and opened the door to let me in.

We didn't talk much. No need to rehash the past over and over again, analyzing every last detail of every word ever spoken. It was a relief. Josh knew I was leaving and most likely never coming back, so we could just make the most of whatever time was left. Audra was wrong, there was no need for closure.

We sat on the couch watching an old mobster movie that Josh was already halfway through. Ten minutes in I found myself cuddled into his side, my head against his chest as his arm pulled me close against him. Every few minutes he would try to explain what was happening in the movie, and I'd smile and nod my head like I understood. In reality I was wondering how long before I'd ever feel this way again. I wasn't good at creating new relationships anymore, Joseph and Riley proved that too well. Would it be easier in Utah? Would I find someone who could just sit there and hold me without me somehow ruining it all and breaking their heart?

I made a mental note to do what I could to never date anyone who had another single male friend.

I started thinking of the future. Would I find my future husband in Utah? If so, could I ever tell him about my past? Could I tell him how I fell in love with Matt and spent years loving him more than anything in the world? Could I tell him how I'd spent a year of my life ruining my self esteem and letting Joseph and Riley lead me on? Could I tell him how I spent New Years Eve in the arms of my first high school love, all while fully intending on driving away the next morning?

"Deep in thought?" Josh asked, snapping me out of my trip to the future.

"Sleepy." I shrugged and leaned in closer to him.

"Come on, I'll walk you to your car." He patted my arm and helped me to stand up.

I grumbled as I thought of the cold, remembering that Chris' car didn't have a heater. Then just as I stepped out the front door I realised that this was it. This would be goodbye for Josh. This would be the last time I saw him. What was I supposed to do? How could you say goodbye to someone who had been such a big part of your life?

"I guess this is goodbye," I sighed as I reached the car and turned around to face him.

Before I could say another word, I felt Josh's hands on either side of my face as he leaned down and placed his lips on mine. A shiver went up my spine and I immediately found myself kissing him back. Despite the temperature outside being close to freezing, my body was suddenly filled with warmth as he continued kissing me. The once shy boy who waited two weeks before he ever kissed me, was now taking control of the situation like I'd always wanted him to.

"I. . . " I stuttered for a moment as he pulled away. "I don't really have to go to Utah." I grinned.

"Yes you do," Josh smiled and kissed me again. "I just wanted one last kiss."

"Yeah," I sighed. "Things are already packed and . . . stuff."

"Drive safe." Josh smiled and opened my door, taking one last moment to touch my cheek before I sat down in the car and turned the key.

Driving away I sighed. Why couldn't every goodbye end that well?