Untypically in Love: One Last Kiss

Read the full story, chapter by chapter here.

Some names and events have been changed to protect the identity of certain individuals.

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Chapter Forty
One Last Kiss

"He kissed you?" Chris asked as we pulled into the gas station New Years day, prepping the car for it's long voyage to Utah. We'd planned to leave earlier but saying goodbye to friends and family was taking longer than expected.


"Yep." I grinned. "And keep in mind this is the same guy that was too shy or polite to kiss me back when we were actually dating." I pulled the handle from the gas tank and secured the cap before jumping in the car.

"Lucky. The only person to kiss me goodbye was my Mom." Chris laughed.

"I kind of want to go back, would that be weird?" I asked, wincing at the embarassing thought. "I mean, I don't want to get to Utah and then have to awkwardly write him and be like . . . hey . . . how've you been since we made out against the car that one time?"

"Ew, that's my car." Chris made a face.

"Be serious." I sighed.

"I think everyone deserves a real goodbye. If you want to go back to Josh's to say goodbye as friends instead of a call girl, by all means." He laughed.

I turned and punched him in the arm before starting the car and driving back toward Josh's house. It would be our last stop. We'd said goodbye to Chris' parents who gifted him with pajamas to keep him warm and a family heirloom cast iron skillet. I had said goodbye to my aunt and uncle and little sister and then made a quick stop to Matt's parents house where his Mom cried saying that she was losing the only daughter she'd ever had. Matt's father gave me a priesthood blessing to make sure I arrived in Utah safe and sound, and then as before I left their home, I called my Dad to let him know we'd be on our way.

Few else in Utah knew we were coming. I thought it would be a fun surprise, and my Dad has said we could stay with him until we found our own places and jobs. I was mentally and emotionally ready to hit the road until we hit that gas station and Chris asked me about the night before.

We pulled the car and parked it against the curb of Josh's house where he stood outside fixing something on his car. I stepped out and awkwardly smiled at him, half expecting a look of regret on his face.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be somewhere in Utah by now?" Josh asked as he approached, wrapping his arms around me in a hug.

"We're running late," Chris said as he popped his head out the passenger side window. "She wanted to come say goodbye."

"Isn't that what last night was about?" Josh whispered through a grin at me and I actually giggled. Despite all the drama we'd been through, all the hurt and heart ache, he was still flirting with me. And me, being the dramatic girl that I was, couldn't help but be won over by it.

"Well maybe I hadn't had enough goodbye." I smiled and hugged him closer.

"Well I hate to break it up, but we do need to be leaving if we plan on getting there tonight," Chris frowned.

I smiled and looked up at Josh just as he looked down at me. I wanted to say goodbye as friends, but he was hugging me and he was so warm, and the temptation was too great. I leaned up and kissed him just like he'd done the night before. Everything was the same. He touched my hair, held me close and kissed me back. Instead of the moonlight shining on our faces it was the sun beaming down on us, though the temperature still stayed the same. Cold outside, warm inside.

But . . .

Something was different.

Something was missing.

Was it the spontaneity? Had I taken it one step too far? Had I done something wrong? I pulled away feeling awkward as though Josh was still Josh and I was still me, but suddenly whatever tension between us was gone. The need to kiss him again was missing. I shrugged off the feeling and gave him another hug before saying goodbye and crawling in the car.

"You okay?" Chris asked.

"Not sure. Something's . . . weird." I tried to shake the feeling off.

'I just wanted one last kiss.' I remember Josh saying the night before. I couldn't help but wonder, was that it? Was that why it felt so strange? Was our one last kiss the night before and any kiss that came after too much? Mentally I tried to think about Josh and the feelings I'd previously associated with him, but they too were gone. No romance. No spark. No tingles. Just the same love and friendship I'd always felt for him before, but changed.

"At least we're still friends, and I ended things that way," I nodded, trying to assure myself that everything was okay.

"You sure you're ready to go?" Chris asked. "No more pit stops?"

I sighed heavily. "I need closure." I swallowed hard and turned the car down a road that let to the book store where I knew Matt was working.

"This is the last ex you need to visit right?" Chris joked.

"Just . . . stay in the car." I insisted as I stepped out and swallowed my pride as I stepped foot in the store and found Matt ringing people up on the cash register. The store was busy, clearly most people trying to exchange Christmas gifts or cash in on the post holiday sales.

When Matt's eyes caught mine, I waved and silently told him to come here. He looked at the line of people he was waiting on and sighed, silently asking me to wait. So wait I did. For ten minutes or so I watched as the line trickled down to one last person before Matt closed his register and had someone else take over for him.

"Aren't you supposed to be gone?" He asked as he approached.

Without a word, I wrapped my arms around him and held him close to me, and suddenly there it was. The warmth . . . the tingles. I held him tightly as my eyes watered up, not wanting to let go too early and have him see me crying. I gathered myself together and finally let go enough to look him in the eyes and then kiss him on the cheek.

"Goodbye." I whispered and then turned and walked away.

I jumped in the car, looking back only once to see Matt staring at me through the window of the store. I gulped down hard and turned on the car, eventually pulling out onto the highway that would take us to Utah.

"You okay?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, just getting sentimental over leaving." I muttered.

About two hours into the trip, Chris had fallen fast asleep. The only things I had to keep me company was the snowy desert road ahead of me that showed no hint of ever ending, a passing sign that read Salt Lake City 410 miles, and Pam Tillis in the CD player starting up The River and the Highway. I turned the music up to overpower Chris' snoring, and began to sing along.



"Heaven knows she can't go with him . .. he can't go with her," I swallowed hard, the words coming out of my mouth in short sobs. "And she rolls all by herself. And he rolls all by himself. Fare thee well."

By the time the sun set and we closed in on the southern Utah border, Chris was awake and my tears had dried up. But the feeling that I'd left something very important behind stayed with me.