Christmas Without Children

Warning: I'm totally going to buzz-kill your Christmas spirit.

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Sometimes in the middle of the holiday rush I'm reminded of the burden and pain that comes with infertility. The fact that I do not have children does not escape me. I'm constantly being reminded of it by strangers who ask when we plan on having children - as if we don't want them. Reminded by family who say little things in passing as if we are purposely trying to avoid having kids. Reminded by myself and the empty spaces over the fireplace where extra Christmas stockings should be hanging, but aren't.

I have a hard time with holidays that are supposed to be focused on children.

I want to make and decorate Christmas cookies with a toddler for the first time.

I want to take adorable pictures of my kids wrapped in Christmas lights.

I want to send out photo Christmas cards with our family photos.

I want to hang paper ornaments on the tree that are signed with crayon and dated by age instead of year.

I want to fill my children's eyes with the magic of Santa (and then possibly ruin that by having them get their picture taken with him at the mall).

I want to sing Christmas carols with someone who never wants to stop.

I want to experience Christmas lights with a little one for the first time.

I want to be woken up early on Christmas morning with the excited words, "It's Christmas!"

I want the winter pageants and the snowmen and the snow angels and passing on the Christmas traditions that Matt and I have created for ourselves.

But right now I have no one to pass them onto.

And the holidays are a constant reminder of that.

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No sympathy comments please. If you're going to comment at all, tell me one holiday tradition that you are going to / are currently passing onto your own children.