Untypically in Love: What's Really Important

Read the full story, chapter by chapter here.

Some names and events have been changed to protect the identity of certain individuals.

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Chapter Thirty-Seven
What's Really Important

A plan was immediately put into motion. Audra, Chris and I were moving to Utah. Except Audra ultimately wouldn't be coming. Her family had made plans of their own, to move to Arizona and she had decided that she would be going with them. Chris and I were steady in our resolve. Even if he hadn't wanted to go, I would have begged for money for a plane ticket to get out of New Mexico.

I needed to leave it all behind me.

As much as I knew I would miss my family and friends, I knew there were only two regrets I would be leaving behind me. Matt and Josh.

Chris and I had actually asked Josh to come with us, but family and a job kept him grounded in New Mexico for the time being. It didn't matter though. I was happier than I'd been in a long time. Despite not coming with us, Josh spent more time with me during those last few weeks than in the entire year combined.

Matt on the other hand wasn't speaking to me.

I'd gone to Church one Sunday back in my old family ward so I could tell Matt in person that I was moving. The last thing I wanted was for him to hear it from someone else. When we met up face to face it was like I was looking into a strangers eyes. Something very important was missing and I didn't know what. I told him that I was moving and he mumbled something about having a safe trip and then left the room. At the time I didn't know if he was upset I was leaving, upset that I'd shown up at all, or didn't care either way.

His parents on the other hand were both saddened by my choice to move, but thrilled for me and my future in Utah.

The holidays were impacting, but came and went too fast.

Every second until Halloween was spent building the haunted house in Chris' garage. By the time the big night came, Chris, Audra and I were so hopped up on sugary donuts that we could barely pour the fake blood all over ourselves without spilling. The turnout was great and it was an artistic expression the likes of which I would never forget.

"I'm never going to get this blood out of my hair," I laughed as I sat back on the curb of Chris' driveway looking up at the stars.

"Red's a good look for you," Audra chuckled.

"I think I'm gonna dye it again. Joseph never wanted me too. He didn't want me to cut my hair either." I rolled my eyes. "I had to look normal, appropriate or something." I sighed, still enjoying my newfound weightless self.

"You going to turn into a biker chick now to rebel?" Chris asked.

"No, but the first thing I'm going to do when I get to Utah is cut and dye my hair," I declared. "Then maybe get a tattoo." We all shared a laugh and then a bag of candy.

The roommates gathered together for Thanksgiving, breaking bread over three boxes of pizza because we were all too chicken to cook a turkey. By December Audra spent less and less time with us. Tina decided it was time to move back home, having reconciled with her parents. One by one all of the roommates moved out until it was just Tara, Chris and I.

One weekend in early December I took Tara down to the apartment offices and signed the lease over to her. She and Derek were engaged to be married and I hoped that having a brand new love nest all to themselves would be a good goodbye present from me.

Having stuffed most of our belongings in Chris' tiny green car, the apartment was barren with the exception of a Charlie Brown-ish Christmas tree which was held up by the dozens of Christmas presents surrounding it. Most were the same shape, all of us having stuffed gifts into empty Pepsi boxes before wrapping with newspaper and masking tape.

Since we all had families to go home to for Christmas, we decided to have our own little holiday gathering a week early and open all of our presents together. All of the old roommates packed themselves into the small living room and began handing over the gifts. Many were joke gifts, and everything from Tina was slightly inappropriate. Gifts given by Audra were incredibly personal, and anything from Chris or I was handmade since all spare change we had was being put toward the move. Tara bought the best gifts because she had the highest paying job.

Sitting there among my friends, people who had helped carry me during my darkest hours and build me back up again, I didn't think I could be happier. I sat in the middle of the floor, opening a gift over the black spot in the carpet where I had set a pile of Joseph's pictures on fire. I ran my hand against the black mark and laughed to myself before tearing into another Pepsi packaged stuffed animal.

"Say hi to the camera!" Tina grinned, having found my old video recorder.

"Ugh, I look like crap." I threw wrapping paper at her and then was immediately distracted by Audra.

"Did you get everything you wanted?" Audra asked.

"Well there seems to be a good looking male missing." I smirked.

"Oh, you didn't invite Josh?" Tina teased.

"Funny," I rolled my eyes. "We're just friends." I insisted.

RING!

Over the commotion I couldn't hear the phone.

"Someone hand me that big red box over there.."

RING!

"This one's for Tara.."

RING!

"We should go caroling!"

"No."

RING!

"Hey," Audra held out the phone to me, and I turned to take it, expecting my aunt or sister on the other end wondering when I'd be stopping by this week to exchange gifts before they drove up to northern New Mexico to visit more family there.

"Hello?" I smiled, and waved to Tina as she focused the video camera in my face.

"Jessica?" I heard a mumbled voice on the other end.

"Yeah?" I covered my hand over my other ear. "Guys, quiet a sec. Hello?"

"Are you there?"

"Mom?" I asked, hearing Matt's mother's voice. "Hey, what's going on? We're doing our present exchange over here. Do you want me to bring your presents by later this week or wait until Christmas?"

There was a long pause.

"Hello?" I asked.

I thought I heard something, but I couldn't understand.

"Guys, shut up!" The room went silent. All eyes, and one video camera focused on me.

"Mom?" I asked again. "Are you there?"

"Sweetie . . . . there's been an accident." She said.

My heart dropped.

"What?" I whimpered softly.

"Jessi . . . Matt was in a car crash tonight."

>>> Chapter Thirty-Eight