Untypically in Love: The Midnight Mormons

Read the full story, chapter by chapter here.

Some names and events have been changed to protect the identity of certain individuals.

---------------------

Chapter Thirty-Five
The Midnight Mormons

After the first few days of ignoring Matt's phone calls, he stopped trying to contact me. I was still in a funk of useless emotions that wouldn't even be classified as "emo" for at least another five to ten years, and it certainly wasn't a trendy statement that I was making. I spent most days and nights working, and once at home I retreated into a shell of myself, hoping the outside world wouldn't see what was going on deep down inside of me.
Friday nights Damian and the other guys from work would come over to my apartment where they would box in my living room, creating our own version of a fight club. Tina's older brother would go out and buy drinks and while everyone else would celebrate their youth and newly found freedom, I did the best I could to hide the fact that I secretly hated my life.

Early one Saturday morning after a night of fighting and drinking, I woke before the sun even thought about rising above the eastern New Mexico mountains. Sick to my stomach from the contents within, I leaned over the toilet bowl in my bathroom and quietly cried, doing my best not to wake my roommates. Standing up, I leaned over the sink to wash my face, glimpsing briefly in the mirror I was unable to recognize the girl looking back at me.

I'd changed personalities and lifestyles so frequently I might as well have changed my name. Very few things reminded me of the lives I'd had before this, save the memories and the constant desire to go back to the way things were. Before Riley, before Joseph. Riley was still dating Tina and it was a thorn in my side. Joseph called every other day or so to talk to me, only half of the time I took the calls. Hundreds of miles separated us and yet he still pulled my strings, making promises of love and future - neither of us able to admit to a relationship or ending one.

I walked back to my room, my stomach still queasy. As I opened my bedroom door I saw something that was unexpected. Audra sat on my bed, her nose buried in a set of scriptures. I felt many things at once - panic, guilt, anger, irritation, and ultimately sadness. How long had she been there? Was she at the party the night before? What had she seen? What did she think of me now?

I looked at her quietly as the bitterness rose up inside of me. She had regained that lost light inside of her, and my own had been smothered. I envied her like never before and it made me angry that she was there, rubbing her spirituality in my face - or so I thought. Ignoring her presence, I crawled into my bed and shoved my face into my pillow.

"Fell better?" She asked, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"No." I mumbled.

"I'm going to tell you something you're not going to like," she began. "Grow up." 

I seethed.

"You're better than this. I don't know what these new friends and boyfriends have done to you, but you deserve better than this. You're a daughter of God and you're washing your divinity and integrity away like they mean nothing to you." 

I felt her get up from the bed, but I didn't bother to look. My eyes were already swollen and puffy from throwing up and crying, and I just wanted the pain to go away - but she was making it so much worse. Reminding me of things I already knew but couldn't control.

"Go to Church." She said. "That's not a request."

I heard my bedroom door close and I pressed my face harder into my pillow and let out a small scream.

When I woke up later that afternoon I was the only one in the apartment. I called work and said I needed the weekend off, if only to gather my thoughts and regain my strength. Riley was being promoted to a manager so it gave our boss a chance to spend time letting him learn the ropes instead of me taking control like I normally did, and Riley was happy to take on an extra shift.

I spent the day cleaning the apartment and despite my eagerness to ignore Audra's advice, before I went to sleep that night, I set my alarm clock for the following morning, allowing for just enough time to get ready for Church.

I couldn't go back to my home ward though. Matt was there and I still couldn't face him after how I'd left things. I knew it was better this way. Leave him alone and let him move on with his life. I'd spent enough time toying with his emotions, and the last thing I wanted to do was treat him the way Joseph had treated me.

I made my way to the singles ward, which was much further away but the quiet time alone in my car was needed. As I pulled into the parking lot, I realised that I could make a fresh start. People here didn't know me. I wasn't the strange girl who showed up to Church with purple hair. I wasn't Matt's girlfriend here. I wasn't a broken mess here. I could have a clean slate. It gave me some hope as I forced myself to walk through the doors and take a seat.

People were overly welcoming, immediately noticing that I was new to the ward. It was comforting to have smiling faces welcome me with hugs, having no ulterior motive other than to make me feel at home. I made friends immediately, and even recognized a few old acquaintances. Tara had been a member of the Church her whole life and was apparently in a long term relationship with an old co-worker of mine, Derek who had recently joined the Church. Another former co-worker, Chris, was Derek's best friend and he too was a new convert. The similarities between us made me feel even more relaxed, and soon the four of us were the closest of friends. Tara even became another of my roommates, and Chris soon after plopped a mattress on my floor and called it home.

The months began to pass with ease and summer drew to an end. Tina's brother moved out, taking his girlfriend with him and Tina broke up with Riley. I spent my Sundays at Church with my friends, Monday nights with the whole ward for activities, and my Wednesdays had been reserved for the Bishop who had become a dependable counselor in helping me find my long lost light. The friday night fights stopped and Chris and I spent one day dumping all the liquor down the sink, much to Tina's dismay. In the end though it was still my apartment with my name on the lease, and to better all of our lives I immediately instituted rules, many of which drove the party friends right out the door. Things started looking up, and Joseph had even stopped calling to remind me about our past.

Instead of spending my nights partying with my co-workers and hating my life, I spent it driving to the temple with Chris and Audra, just to walk around the grounds and look at the potential future. The late night security dubbed us the "Midnight Mormons", a lovable nickname. We'd sit there some nights long enough to watch the sun come up and reflect off of the beautiful stain glass windows. Chris had become my way back. While I had temporarily dealt with a minor crush, Chris had a crush of his own that he was trying to handle so the two of us remained friends. And despite my new cluster of good influencing friendships, there was still something missing.

"I thought I'd be married by now," I confessed to them one night.

"Really? But you're only eighteen." Chris said with wide eyes.

"Oh, you should have seen her a few years ago," Audra laughed. "She's been planning her temple wedding since she joined the Church."


"Only thing missing now is the husband." I smirked.

"And who do you think that might end up being?" Chris asked, wondering if I already had someone picked out, and if he knew that someone.

"Don't know." I shrugged. "I've had a few contenders for sure."

"And by a few, she means two." Audra added.

"I've had more boyfriends than that!" I argued.

"Yeah but only two of them were ever actually good for you. Someone you could see across the altar." She pointed out.

"Fair enough," I sighed and pulled my knees to my chest. The temperature was dropping and as the September sun began to rise, the air grew colder. I stared at that temple eagerly. It had been years since I'd been inside, and I knew that somewhere within, was a beautiful room where I'd be married to my eternal companion.

Whoever he was.

One day after driving home from Church, I walked into my apartment and plopped down on the couch, eager for a nap. Tina came out of her room, slipping her work shoes on as she tied her hair back into a pony tail, readying herself for her shift that night.

"Hey, some guy stopped by for you." She told me.

"What?" I rose a brow. "Who?"

"Some tall guy. He left a note." She pointed to the end of the couch where indeed, a small note was taped. How had I missed that?

I sat up and reached for the piece of paper and suddenly, an old familiar spark ignited inside of me, almost enough to make me catch my breath.

Stopped by to see you.
Miss you.

- Josh

>>> Chapter Thirty-Six