1. "you never know what tomato will bring"
Indeed. I am also reminded of several favourite inspirational quotes like, "The sun will come out, tomato," "Live today like you'll die tomato," and "Today is the tomato we worried about yesterday."
2. "whores you know"
Okay, let's be fair. I'm not surprised by the whore searches.
3. "sad stripper" and "fat pole dancer"
If I knew long ago that there was such a high search for fat pole dancers, I would have made a career change right outta high school! Seriously, with the amount of people getting to my blog in need of glitter covered cellulite, I think I could have made a killing in the naked shake and bake industry. Unfortunately I have no rhythm, can't dance and I can't balance in hooker heels.
4. "pork fat disposal"
This isn't amusing to me. Some people need to know how to dispose of pork fat. It's needed information and I'm glad that I'm here to help clueless housewives everywhere.
5. "end of my rope with needy basset hound"
Me too, pal.
6. "is my husband allowed to see my boobs"
If your boobs and husband are like mine, you never had a choice.
7. "not allowed to touch myself"
I feel your pain. We're talking about breast exams right?
8. "loook into my cleavage"
Feel free. But beware . . . it's where I keep my husband's wallet, a switchblade, a VHS copy of The Bird Cage, and my dignity.
9. "i got fat after high school"
Join the club. And pass the mayonnaise.
10. "do sex shops have laundromats"
Oh jeez . . . I hope not.
Wait . . . scratch that. I hope they do.
Either way this disturbs me on a serious level. Puts terrible images in my head.
I'm glad I buy all my sex toys online.