A Southern Accent is Like a Free Pass

 Conversation Matt and I had while out to dinner one night...


Me: I have no idea what I want

Matt: Me either.

Waitress: (A 40 something year hispanic woman with a valley girl accent) Hey there sweetie! (says to Matt) What's up girlfriend? (She says while sitting down NEXT TO ME!) Man if I could sit down and make money that would be the best.

Me: Umm . . . Hi?

Matt: *Snicker*

Waitress: You guys know what you want?

Me: No.

Matt: Yeah, sorry, we need a few minutes.

Waitress: Okay sweeties! (Leaves)

Me: Bubble! Bubble! She broke my bubble!

Matt: It's not a real bubble.

Me: Personal bubble!

Matt: That was kind of weird.

Me:  She broke my bubble and called me girlfriend. I feel violated.

Matt: Your OCD amuses me. It's like a party trick.

Me: I want my bubble back.

Matt: I'm sorry. Did it really bother you that she called you girlfriend and me sweetie?

Me: Yes. I firmly believe that unless you have a Southern accent you don't have the right to call a customer any pet name.

Matt: Why just them?

Me: Because Paula Deen calls people "Darlin"

Matt: You used to call customers in Utah "Doll".

Me: Yes, and I did it with a Southern accent.

Matt: But you don't have a Southern accent.

Me: I do when I talk to my Grandmother. It rubs off.

Matt: So only people with Southern accents, or third generation mental problems can call customers by pet names.

Me: Darn skippy

Matt: Who can break the Personal Bubble space rule?

Me: . . . . Firemen.