Untypically Jia

Monday, February 28, 2011

Love, Yourself - February Update

I'm not quite sure why I didn't start posting these letters at the end of the month to begin with. I think I'm gonna go in and change all the auto post dates on the letters that will come throughout the rest of the year.

For those just tuning in, last year I wrote letters to myself that will automatically post on my blog each month throughout the year. It's my way of keeping up with progress and showing myself the difference an entire year can really make. Instead of obsessing on the little things, I'm looking at the big picture.

The first week of this month, another letter posted to the blog. And here is the difference that one year can make.

Now. Let's talk about the elephant in the room, shall we? This month last year you had a breakdown. It was really bad. Let me remind you just how bad. You fell into a compulsive cycle and had to leave a job because of it. Because you couldn't control your OCD.

While OCD will always be a part of me, it does not define me. I have taken back my voice. Panic attacks come and go on occasion, but I'm no longer paralyzed by fear!

This month last year you also received some news: your baby sister was pregnant. And that news was hard to take. Because as happy as you were for her, and as much as you knew you would love your nephew (and you do), you were depressed that you still were not a mother. It was very hard news to take. And you knew that somehow, your health played into this but you still did not make the right changes. You tried to hide from the truth instead of fight back. Please fight back.

Not only am I deliriously happy for my little sister and her 3 month old bundle of joy, but I can also celebrate the wonderful joy that one of my best friends will soon experience when she has her little girl, (maybe as soon as this week!) I am fighting back on my own front. I am taking charge of my health and trying to lose weight. One step at a time.

This month you weighed 250 pounds and you were too tired to do anything. You thought you might even have diabetes but you did nothing to test for it, prevent it or fix it. Stop thinking about bad things without doing anything to fix them.

As of this week, I currently weigh 239 pounds. I have lost 11 pounds since beginning my new health journey. I haven't seen the 230's in five years! I am still having issues with worrying about my health and yet still putting off fixing things. Not sure why to be honest. But this is progress!