How to Host a Christmas Party

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Step One: Marry a man who likes to wait until the very last minute before deciding to throw a holiday party.

Step Two: Love him anyways. Cause he has a really cute butt.

Step Three: Clean the house like a mad woman because frankly, you're still exhausted from the aftermath of hosting Thanksgiving.

Step Four: Put together the scrapbook Christmas tree you made last year when you couldn't afford a real tree. Add new leaves as per the tradition rules. Write down the best memory from this year on a leaf and add it to the tree. Procrastinate this last step several days. Also, hang stockings.

Step Five: Put together the actual (fake) tree that the in-laws gave you this year. Move all the furniture in the house to accommodate the tree, cause you have to have a tree. Use a hammer to assemble the tree stand. Set hammer on top of the recliner.

Step Six: Hang all the Christmas lights outside.

Step Seven: Assemble a homemade scrapbook wreath to match your scrapbook Christmas tree. marvel at how long it took to put together (2 hours) and that it took over 70 scrapbook leaves and a whole roll of tape. Worth it.

Step Eight: In exhaustion, collapse into the recliner to rest. Allow the hammer you placed there earlier to fall on your head. Proceed with concussion.

Step Nine: . . .

Step Nine: . . .

Step Orange: . . .

Step . . . why do I have so many stairs on my blog?

Step Ten: Prep as much food as you can as early as possible. This trick has already been proven for Thanksgiving.

On the Menu

• Cheese Platter
• Rice Krispies dunked in melted Peanut Butter Cups
• Crock Pot full of Meatballs slow cooked in BBQ sauce and fresh cranberries
• Egg Nog Cupcakes
• Corn and Avocado Salsa and Chips
• Cranberry Lemonade
• Orange Sherbert Punch

Step Eleven: Invite all of your friends on Facebook because who checks their mail anymore?

Step Twelve: Invite all of your husbands co-workers by creating a flier. To get the full effect, forget to put your address on the flier.

Step Thirteen: Make a mad dash to the store for last minute items and assemble at home just in time for the guests to arrive.

Spend the next few hours watching everyone devour your delicious food, marvel at your homemade decorations, and chat with one another. Pat yourself on the back for pulling this off. Pet your dog for behaving around a huge crowd of people. Especially since she's kind of pissed at you for putting a bell on her collar. Wonder silently why all the men in the room are making fun of the Twilight cupcakes your friend brought, and yet, they are the only ones eating them.

Step Fourteen: Eat all the leftovers once everyone leaves. Collapse into bed and sleep until 2pm the next day.

Step Fifteen: Forget that you dropped a hammer on your head days previous, brush your hair and scream. Repeat as needed.