I have learned two very important things this Halloween weekend...
1. I can totally pull off purple eye shadow.
2. Purple eye shadow apparently makes me look like a minor according to Century movie theaters.
Matt and I haven't dressed up on Halloween since our first year of marriage. And even then he refused to dress up. I put his clothes on and smeared shoe polish on my face and by default he had no choice but to go with me as a mirror.
But still, despite pushing thirty (26 is closer to 30 than 20) I still want to dress up, even just a little on Halloween. So Saturday night when we got ready to go to the Church's Halloween party, I broke out my new purple eye shadow and liners that I got thanks to Apothica.com
I've never really pulled out the big, bold colors for my eyes. I stick to pinks, reds and browns. A recent gold eye shadow purchase was a bit of a defining moment for me. But it was Halloween and even if I screwed it up, it wasn't like I would be attending the Oscars. I was going to a Halloween party where people are supposed to look a little hideous sometimes.
Of course when I finished, I realised that big, bold colors apparently look great on me. Which kind of ruined my costume. So for Halloween I basically went as a totally hot version of myself.
While we don't often dress up for Halloween, Matt and I do have one tradition that has been going on for the past few years. Three words.
Saw. Movie. Marathon.
We own the first six on DVD and the seventh and final installation to the franchise was released this month. So the beginning of the week we began at number one and each day before Halloween we went through the saga, leading up to Saturday night when we planned to go to the local Century theater and catch the newest and last flick in 3D.
When we went to purchase our tickets, we were told that we both needed our IDs because it's rated R. Now, small note, I never have my ID with me. Like, ever. I don't drive, drink or smoke. So unless I'm headed toward a government building where I know I absolutely need to provide proof of my person, I figure I'm better off leaving my purse on the dining room table. Oh and also, I'm very obviously at least 26 years old. Someone could kiss my ass a little by telling me I look good for a twenty three year old, but even if I did drink, there's not a bar in town that would question my adult status.
The theater however, felt very differently.
Ticket Taker: I'm sorry, but our policy is that if you look younger than thirty years old, you need your ID.
Matt: Okay, but to attend a rated R movie, you need at least one adult. I have my ID. Even if my wife was a minor, I could still take her in because I have my ID. That's how rated R things work.
Me: Yeah, for like . . . at least the past nine years, that I've been able to legally watch rated R movies!
Ticket Taker: Well you have to be older than seventeen years old, and I'm sorry sweetie (she says as she's trying to butter me up so I'll stop giving her the stink eye) but you just look so young.
Me: Oh what a bunch of horse shi . . .
I don't take kindly to people assuming I'm an idiot.
I also don't like when people my age call me ma'am.
And I certainly don't like when people barely older than me refer to me as "sweetie" and tell me that I can't pass for eighteen years old.
If the look on my face wasn't threatening to punch her in the mouth I would have expected her to tell me that I could easily fit into a size six and I very clearly am the next Angelina Jolie. Better yet, my close to pale tan resembled a very lovely shade of Halle Berry.
If the movie hadn't been in ten minutes, we might have run home and grabbed the ID. We might have even forgotten the whole incident if the ticket taker hadn't tried to sugar coat her way out of being bludgeoned to death by a very obviously twenty-six year old redhead who already had an affinity for movies wherein people are creatively tortured to death.
We spoke to a manager. Mostly at this point because we came to the theater to be entertained, and weren't leaving without some form of comedy or drama. So on a Saturday night, we had the ticket taker call down the General Manager where Matt proceeded to request visible proof of their new 30 years and younger policy for rated R movies.
Then I instructed him on how to properly advertise their new policy so as to inform the public that they don't know how to run a business.
The ticket taker asked me what I do without an ID when I go to bars.
"I don't drink!" I snapped.
"Yeah! We're Mormon!" Matt added.
It wasn't until later we realised that he threw in the religion card during an attempt to watch a rated R movie. Oh the sweet irony. Yes, we're Mormon. Yes we watch rated R movies. But we do avoid watching The Land Before Time sequels, which are much more offensive and evil.
When she asked about the bars, I was tempted to push out my stomach, fake a pregnancy and then ask her what kind of mother she thought I was. But really, we were going for more of a realistic drama than a comedy.
When the General Manager's lip started quivering (not even joking here) we figured it was time to call "scene", state that they were losing our business and then we proceeded to call Regal theater and ask them if they allowed twenty-six year olds into their movies.
PS: Saw 3D was pretty good.
PS x2: The manager stated that this new policy has been happening since May. Two weeks ago we saw Jackass 3D at the same theater where neither of us were carded.
PS x3: Thanks to Apothica, whose makeup can apparently take ten years off your face.
PS x4: This is not a real review of Apothica makeup, or of Saw 3D. It is however a pretty accurate review of Century theaters.
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