Bread, The Next Best Thing to Sex

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Matt randomly got a craving for homemade bread at 1am so we pulled out Skynet and I set to work teaching my husband how to use the evil bread maker.

I should note here that being in a kitchen with Matt is one of the most frustrating things in the world. It's almost like being in front of the stove brings out his inner child and his inner child like to poke and prod my inner angry bear until the floor is covered in flour and one of us is injured.

Me: Okay, so the eggs need to be room temperature, so this might take longer than you think.
Matt: Can't we just like microwave them . . . to room temperature?

Matt: C'mere, since we're baking we need war paint. (says while trying to smear flour under my eyes)
Me: Come near me and I'll . . . .

I grabbed the nearest thing to me, a bottle of white vinegar, and opened it. Matt immediately backed off but then realised that if I threw vinegar on him, there was a chance I'd get some on myself, so he attacked again. I brought the bottle of vinegar to my mouth, ready to spit on my attacker at will. He backed off.

Matt: I didn't know what you were doing and I got confused.

Later in the pantry...

Me: Now we need to find the honey..
Matt: I got my honey right here. (butt squeeze)
Me: (irritable sigh) And we also need yeast..
Matt: I got my yeast right . . .
Me: Don't you even think about it!!!!

Since we don't often buy milk I make my own using powdered kind. This involves a well measured system involving the power of shaking a container.

Matt: Awesome. Now shake it with your arms above your head.
Me: Shut up.
Matt: Your boobs look great today.
Me: I know.

And then it came time to set the machine. It was very exciting.

Me: Now you can press start and it'll pop up the timer.
Matt: Awesome! (presses start, timer pops up) FOUR HOURS!?!?!

I seem to recall a similar issue one Thanksgiving when the idea of thawing a turkey the night before seemed like a brilliant idea.

Update: Apparently Matt read my blog today!

For the record he's not actually pissed. That's his sarcastic tone of font.


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PS: If you're here visiting from SITS and you're looking for my Back to Blogging post about an inspirational woman, I'm directing everyone to my You Can Save a Life page that has a year long promise for people to sign. As always, thanks to the SITS Back to Blogging sponsors: Standards of Excellence, Westar Kitchen and Bath, and Florida Builder Appliances.