Just Another Weight Loss Blog Post

I've been thinking about my heath and weight a lot recently. Don't know why. It just pops up.

For some reason or another, in the past several months, my self esteem has just plummeted. Which was kind of weird for me because for a while there I was on a bit of a self esteem (not to be confused with ego) high. SO what happened? If you've been reading, you know that I'm the type of person that dissects things until I understand the cause and effect before I can begin the process of fixing - though, when it's come to myself, I'm never good at fixing what's broken.

Between being overweight and having low self esteem I don't know where to go. OCD, anxiety and depression aside, I feel lost under all this fat and I'm feeling things that I've already felt before, but just keep repeating.

At what rest stop during this journey did I leave behind my drive?

I've been reading other blogs lately. Posts that I've been using as a shovel to dig deep into my soul to find answers. Questions have risen:

• What's holding me back?  
• What am I really worth? 
• And if everyone is beautiful, why can't I feel it?

This week I have been having a conversation with other women at one of the forums I belong to. We're talking about how apparently the government is trying to pass a bill or something to allow obesity to be considered for disability welfare. The conversation went off on several tangents on how parents are responsible, and people need to take action and the need for balance, etc. As an obese woman (there I said it) I felt I needed to get to the bottom of a few things. I said this in response to some of the women talking about how all it takes is changing habits.

"Fat children become fat adults. But it goes much deeper than that. Children who THINK they are fat will become fat adults. Because I was full figured (despite being in a very healthy weight for my age) growing up in pre-teens to teen years, I believed I was fat. I thought I was hideous, and you better believe that (and poor habits at home and a crappy physical education in school) had an impact on how I eventually became overweight.


Now when I look back on those pictures, I can't believe how I ever thought such things. And this is one reason why I like to urge others not to harshly judge overweight people. Often times, it's that mixture of poor self esteem, bad habits and lack of proper education that create obesity. And yes we can make the choice to change our habits and seek out the proper education, but that poor self esteem counts for at least 50% of what's really going on, and it will strongly counteract any actions taken to fight back against obesity."

When I watch weight loss shows, read weight loss blogs and websites there's usually a statement that says, "Once I saw/read/felt/heard _____ I knew it was time to change.." and then they tell their story of courage and how they were able to just do it because they couldn't look back anymore. They had the drive and kept it.

They say to think about the life you really want and that should motivate you.

But what if the life I really want isn't enough? I've stated before that the life I want is something I would die for, but considering my actions, I haven't been willing to fight for it. What's left?

How do YOU stay motivated?