Where Would These Thoughts Go If I Had a Job?

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There are a lot of times where I think, "Wow, I really wish I wasn't so mental that I could actually function in society like I used to and you know . . . make money and interact with the public."

But then I remember that I probably shouldn't interact with the public. And not because I bark at children. I would do that regardless. They effing deserve it.

So remember how I was going to review a product from CSN? Well it arrived today! This post is not the official review. That'll be posted when I'm not running on four hours of sleep without Pepsi in the house. So anyways, I ordered a big ol' cat tree for Priya.

Okay it was really for me.

Cause seriously, you know that when you were ten years old and you made your parents buy all those insane hamster habitat tube things, it had nothing to do with the hamster. You could really give a crap if he liked it or not. You really bought it for you.

Well I got the cat tree for me. Cause it's insane. And then after I lost ten pounds putting it together, (not because it's complicated, I'm just kinda fat) I spent like an hour online with one of my best friends looking at pictures of other insane cat houses and trees. Phrases like, "Oh my gosh, that is the best hammock ever!" and "That ball on a rope at the top looks so much fun!" may have been spoken.

Then we saw this . . .

and our brains imploded.

So yesterday we went and visited with Matt's parents cause his aunt is in from out of town. Also, our car broke down last week and we had to go pick it up and drop their car off cause they were nice enough to let us borrow it, but then mean enough to take it (and it's air conditioning) away.

Me: There's a new post up on my blog.
MIL: Oh good, I'll have to read it later.
Me: I don't think I cursed in this one either.
MIL: I don't like the posts you curse in.
Me: I don't drop the F bomb in them.
MIL: You have before.
Me: No I haven't! My readers say it a lot in the comments.
MIL: I just think that it takes a more creative mind to NOT curse.
Me: I think it's creative to make up your own curses.
MIL: It's not appropriate.
Me: But it's funny.
MIL: No . . . it's not.
Me: Did you know that I will hear you drop the F bomb at least once before I die. It's on my bucket list.
MIL: Why did you add something like that to your bucket list?
Me: Because it will be so awesome. Like seeing a unicorn.

But then I think she gets the last laugh, because karma got back at me last night when an effing spider crawled across my foot!! Like it wasn't even my foot or something. It just walked across it like it was some sort of bridge!

And I know it was probably a regular house spider that eats nasty bugs, but Google informed me that it could also be one of thirty types of spiders that could kill me.



And why would Google lie?

It was almost as epic as the time that my friend Allie faced off against a spider. Only she was successful in killing her foe. Mine is probably still hiding under my couch or in my hair. Don't cats eat spiders? Lazy ass cat. Totally doesn't deserve a new cat tree.

So I went to bed late and just as I was getting ready to crawl in, Matt turned over and accidentally knocked over a glass on my bedside table. So I screamed. Cause it could have been the spider.

If someone wanted me to stop leaving dirty dishes on my bedside table, they could have just asked instead of infesting my house with arachnids.