Untypically in Love: Promises

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Read the full story, chapter by chapter here.

Some names and events have been changed to protect the identity of certain individuals.

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Chapter Twenty
Promises

Time was of the essence. Phone calls were made and soon, almost our entire family had gathered to New Mexico. Some took the very next flight out of Utah. Others drove hours praying they arrived in time. In time to say goodbye.
The hospital moved Grandma to her own room. Her recovery room, I had thought.

The family poured in, flooding the entire wing of the hospital. Overflowing two separate waiting rooms. Paula and I were sent home to shower and sleep. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to exist. Not without her.

My body had been running full speed for too long and that night, I crashed. I woke up early in the morning to half of my cousins sleeping on sofas in the living room, the other half in the kitchen talking about the good memories they had of Grandma.

Paula called Matt for me. She knew I needed him. Matt's mother gave him permission to skip school and go with me to the hospital. We stepped off of the elevator and I held his hand tightly, the only strength I had left in my body. He was going to be my strength now.

We walked into the room where the family gathered around her bed. It would be the first time Matt would meet them all. But that was not my concern now. I wanted to see if she was still alive. I peeked around the corner and she smiled at me. I rushed toward her, wrapping my arms around her. She looked alive and well, despite the IV and machines buzzing nearby. She smiled and hugged me close and then she looked over my shoulder and spotted Matt.

Almost as instantly as she had held me close to her, she pushed me away and reached up, grabbing Matt's hand within her own. She smiled brightly, gratefully, and brought his hand to her lips where she kissed it several times and then held it to her cheek affectionately.

Some assumed she had just lost it for a second. After all, we went to Universal Studios once and as a Clark Gable look alike sat down beside her and she turned into a school girl, blushing and flirting as though he were the real thing. Did she not know who Matt was now?

Others joked, saying that she had tossed me aside because she had seen Matt and just loved him more.

But I knew the real reason. I could see it in her eyes. This woman had gone through hell and back for me since I was born. When her own child died, she didn't give herself time to grieve. She stepped up, took me home and raised me as her own. And now, she was going to die and I was going to be lost without her.

But Matt was there.

Matt would save me.

She knew it. And she loved him for it.

The following night, she was in pain and slept a lot. The family left her alone to rest and we wandered the hospital, most of us trying to help in some way or another. Some were off getting food for the rest. Others were contacting relatives that couldn't make it, updating them on the situation. As for me, I had collapsed in a small waiting room that contained only a small couch where I slept on, and two chairs sitting side by side, opposite the sofa.

I opened my eyes and looked at the chairs that appeared - to the natural eye - completely empty.

But I knew better.

I knew that familiar feeling. The feeling that once brought me comfort. Mom.

"I don't need to be coddled," I insisted, looking away. Then I heard a noise. A soft purr, like a kitten. I glared my eyes at the other chair. Kathy used to do that when I was a little girl. She said I was her little kitten and she would purr at me and pet my hair whenever I was sad.

I didn't know if I truly believed in God then. But I did believe in angels.

And right then, I hated them.

I knew why they were there.

"You won't take her." I growled and stood up, leaving the room. I wasn't followed.

Like a zombie, I moved into the larger waiting room where the rest of the family sat around a large table, writing things down on pieces of paper and discussing things like money, dates, flights, and plots.

"I'll take care of everything," Paula said sadly. "You can all just pay me back later."

"I have room at my house," Tiffany said as tears streaked her face. If there was ever anyone who was more emotional than myself, it was my older sister. She cradled her daughter in her arms, rocking her back and forth, depending on the infant to keep her calm. "Some of you can stay with me."

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"We're just talking, making plans," my aunt Debbie said.

The room fell silent as they watched my reaction.

It took several moments for it all to register.

"You're planning her funeral?" I asked, standing back up, shocked and disgusted with the lot of them. They couldn't be serious. They were supposed to be making plans for her recovery. Talking to doctors. Fixing this. Fixing her.

"Jessi, we have to be realistic," someone said, holding back tears.

"She's not even dead yet!" I screamed and then ran out of the room, needing to get away from every last one of them. They were traitors to me. They'd given up.

I made it to the elevators before I just dried up. I moved, no longer possessed by any spirit of life. I was gone, done, defeated. Everything had been taken away from me. I had nothing left to give. I had cried all the way through my sadness and I was keeping anger closely at bay on the other side. I walked slowly, no longer feeling the blood flow in my limbs.

My older sister approached me from behind and wrapped her arms around me. "Come on," she cried. "I'll take you home."

The next morning everyone went down to the cafeteria for breakfast and I stayed with Grandma on my own. She opened her eyes and began to talk to me. Despite being unable to speak coherently, she had a way of getting her point across. As if my some miracle of God, I understood every word, repeating things back to her just to be certain. It was mercy. Given to me for the briefest of moments so I could understand the message she needed to give me before she was gone.


"I love you, Jessi." She told me.


"I love you too. But you're going to be fine. Don't listen to anyone else but me." I insisted.


"No," She shook her head. "I'm tired. I'm sorry. I can't keep doing this."


I refused to look at her.


"Promise me," She squeezed my hand. "Promise me that you'll keep God in your life. You need to keep going to Church. It's what's best for you."


"I promise."


"And you have to take care of the family. It's your job now."


"I promise." I paused. "It's not fair. You can't expect me to make promises when you broke yours. You were supposed to see me graduate and be there when I got married."


"I'll be there," She smiled. "And you marry that boy."

I looked up, startled by her emphasis. "Matt?" I asked her.


She nodded quickly, urgently. "He's good for you. He'll take care of you. You marry him."


I laughed. "Well, if you insist."


And then she chuckled softly, and kissed my hand.


That night, I slept on the couch, having given up my bed to someone else. I kept my promise to Grandma, and I prayed that night. I accepted what was going to happen. But I had conditions. "Don't let her suffer." I begged God.

My eyes opened and I glanced at the digital clock on the television. 2:30 am. There was a familiar smell around me. I recognized it as one of Grandma's perfumes that she used to wear anytime my Grandfather would come and visit us. It was her favourite. It made her feel pretty. The smell was comforting.

But not as comforting as what happened next. I felt arms wrap around me, and I breathed the scent in. It was her. It was my Grandmother. One hand cupped my chin as she kissed my cheek, the other stroked my hair. Both hands. Perfect, working, healthy hands.

And then she was gone.

I remained awake, worried that if I fell back asleep I'd forget what happened. I would convince myself that it was all a dream. But it wasn't. I was wide awake. I knew what I felt. And I thanked God for it. For one last moment.

Minutes passed and shortly after three in the morning the phone rang. My cousin Mitzi answered it, taking it into the other room.

"Okay," She sniffed. "Thank you." And then she hung it up.

One by one, each cousin, aunt and uncle was woken. They all whispered to one another, so softly that I couldn't make out what they were saying until Mitzi finally sighed, "I'll tell her."

She approached the couch and knelt down in front of me, nudging my arm as she didn't know I was already awake. "Jessi?" She called my name.

"She's gone." I said softly.

"Yeah," She nodded and pulled me close as we both began to cry.

>>> Chapter Twenty-One