Love, Love, Love

I've been working on this post for a while now. And everytime I begin writing, tears form in my eyes and I just can't get through it. But I have to. I have to post this exactly today. Today is important to me. Because I'll be twenty-six years old this Friday. In four days.

A little over a month ago, a blogger who I loved and respected didn't make it that far.

Four days before she turned twenty-six years old, Eva Markvoort passed away.

Eva was a young woman from Canada who was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. She was filmed for a documentary, '65 Red Roses', which followed her through the process of receiving a double lung transplant in 2007. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with transplant rejection in 2009. While still waiting for a second lung transplant, she died March 27th. Her blog, 65 Red Roses, reached across the world.

So what does this have anything to do with me?

Several months ago, a video of Eva was posted by a friend of mine on Facebook. This video changed my life. For what she thought would be her last words to her readers, followers and friends, Eva told the world that she was going to die, very soon. Her message was one of love. Love, love, love. That there was no shortage of love. That love would be celebrated. That her love was fierce!

After wiping away the tears I immediately knew that I needed to know her. And thankfully, because I am a blogger, I know that knowing someone does not mean you have to meet them face to face. I knew Eva because I read her blog. I read the entire archive in a matter of hours. And I followed each new entry, every day, updating with excitement each morning as I'd tell Matt, "Eva's still alive!"

I read each entry, prayerfully, until on March 27th, when I read:

"Our beautiful girl died this morning at 9:30. She is at peace." 

A celebration of love was held in her honor, and her family had it streamed to the internet, so we, her friends in the blogosphere would be able to celebrate with them. I stayed awake several nights ago, watching the videos of the celebration. They brought joy to my soul, tears to my eyes, and a deep pain in my heart.

Eva didn't hide herself. She blogged through the pain.

But she also LIVED! She ran marathons, raised awareness, celebrated life, love, friends, family and joy for joys sake! She never feared being silly, she embraced it. She didn't wait around for things to happen to her, she sought moments in life out and lived them. Changed them. Changed others.

Changed me.

When I saw Eva's video and read her blog I said, "I'm not going to hide anymore. I am going to show every part of my soul, and I'm not going to give a damn what the world thinks about it, because it's mine. It's not perfect, it's a little broken, but it's mine, and it's still beautiful."

Now that Eva is gone, and I look into the future at twenty-six I can't help but cry. Because I get to experience this, and she can't. Because I almost feel unworthy to have twenty-six, when someone like her only had twenty-five.

So I will be changed again.

Twenty-six will change me.

Twenty-six will be LIVED!

Twenty-six will be loved.

When I turn twenty-six, I will not only face the world barefoot, I will do it with joy in my heart. I will live everyday. I will look for opportunities to change myself, and others. I will begin to leave behind a legacy that will follow me until it's my time to leave this world.

And it will be full of life, laughter, and love.

Like Eva, my love will be fierce.