I first learned how when we were living with Matt's parents and I found a bread pan buried in the back of a cupboard. I immediately grabbed a recipe from the back of a bag of wheat flour, and I went to town. It was heavenly. And suddenly the rush of wifely power had been placed in my hands. I could create, from scratch in the simplest and best of terms.
I loved making bread so much that I wrote articles on how kneading bread dough worked out aggression and was a really decent stress relief. I loved making bread so much that I got gutsy and made quite a few terrible loaves of the stuff!
But then there was honey whole wheat.
And garlic, herbs and cheddar.
And Irish soda bread.
Oh the Irish soda bread that could bring tears to your eyes. Christmas barmbrack filled with raisins and whatever other fruits I had on hand. I loved it all.
And then we moved.
And our oven sucks.
I've only been able to successfully complete one decent loaf of bread since we moved into our apartment a year ago. And it was only successful because I was vigilant with every last detail of the bread. See, midway through the process of baking, I had to flip it.
Because while the top of the stove works, the bottom does not. Loaves of bread come out with doughy centers and bottoms, despite the black crust on top.
So I did something I swore I would never do.
I accepted a bread maker when Matt's mother offered it to me.
I have my own reasons for not wanting a bread maker. About 90% of them surround my personal pride when it comes to my bread making skills. Orson Scott Card wrote an article about something similar. It touched my soul and branded my hands "for dough only". Bread making became a talent I had that proved to the world what a wonderful housewife I was. It was a pedestal I proudly stood upon.
And it has been taken from me.
The only reason I accepted the bread maker, it because it mixes, kneads, and cooks the bread entirely in one machine. And because not only do I lack a decent working oven, but I lack a Kitchen Aide mixer. Please send me one of those for my birthday. It's in eleven days.
So right now I'm staring at my kitchen. I'm glaring.
She's in there.
The bread maker.
The whore that stole my yeast.
She's loud too.
The little tramp.
Update: The bread machine is possessed. It moved across the counter when it was kneading the dough. It also screams obscenities at me. Not only has it taken over my kitchen but it's plotting my death. (There's a fair chance I may be overreacting.)
Update x2: The bread actually came out pretty good. But really big. Like enormous. I had to cut it in half just to store it. I think the bread machine is compensating for something.
Update x3: I've named the bread machine "Skynet" for obvious reasons. You've been warned.
9 comments:
We had a bread maker when I was in high school. And I still couldn't make bread properly.
Was it because the bread maker was a dirty little whore? I bet that's why.
When Hubby and I were newlyweds, and still living in the States, I would beg him for a bread maker. But they were REALLY expensive. The months went by, and the prices slowly dropped. Hubby said that when the bread makers were down to a certain price, he would buy one for me. Well, while waiting for my bread maker, I taught myself to make all kinds of delicious yeast breads by hand. A few months before we moved to Mexico, the bread makers had finally reached that low price we had been waiting for, but by then, I no longer wanted it.
Now that I'm in Mexico, I get to bake yummilicious loaves in a clay oven. It's like I've died and gone to heaven.
Hope you get to bake again soon!
Clay oven!? Color me jealous!!
Hilarious :) I hope there's a better oven in your near future!
too funny! alas, i have no bread-making skills. heck, i dont know how to bake, and i'm afraid to. i think the ovens in the world will read this and sense my fear.
i'm still dreaming of owning an oven...
I read your blog sometimes and enjoy your posts a lot! And I love to make bread too (mainly for the stress relief), so I had to comment. I don't like breadmakers for many of the same reasons you've avoided them, but I have found that sometimes it is so worth it to use them. Case in point: french bread (basic recipe that comes in the instructions), fast and delicious! And its nearly impossible to get that texture without a breadmaker. Also, here is a recipe for the best breadmaker-bread ever:
Best dough for Bread Maker (you may want to cut it in half depending on the size of your breadmaker)
1 1/2 c. Water
1/4 c. Milk
4 tsp. Yeast
1/3 c. Sugar
2 Eggs
3 Tbsp. Butter
1 1/4 tsp. Salt
1/2 c. Potato flakes
4 1/2 c. Flour
Combine in bread maker and follow machine instructions.
I was absolutely ROLLING when you started talking about your possessed bread machine.
I just clicked over from MMB. I LOVE to make bread too (using my Bosch), but I LOVE my breadmaker when I make my cinnamon roll dough. And pizza dough. I almost never use it to actually bake the dough, but I can't believe how much easier it is to make dough in it than to try to do it by hand.
P.S. Sorry yours is possessed. That's a bit scary! :)
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