Hail to the King, Baby

It'll be no surprise to you readers that the idea of myself coming into contact with a celebrity is a concoction for disaster, inappropriateness, and embarrassment. In the past I've been party to accidentally stalking Robert Englund, and once when I was fifteen I had Weird Al Yankovic autograph my bra strap in the back alley behind an auditorium.

But neither of those episodes were ever photographed or caught on tape.

My most embarrassing encounter with a celebrity . . . . is another story.

It was 2002 and Bruce Campbell had just published his autobiography, 'If Chins Could Kill'. Matt found out that Bruce would be coming to Albuquerque on his book tour, and we were of course going to be present. See Matt loves Bruce Campbell. Loves him because of Evil Dead and Army of Darkness. Loves him so much that using the reason, "Bruce Campbell is in it," it his go to answer in hopes of persuading me to watching almost anything.


It never works, by the way.

But I had reason to go as well. My own personal, girly, reason.

We walked into the book store and purchased our own copies of the autobiography and began waiting around this circled off area of the store near a large podium and waited for Bruce to arrive. Matt and his friend Joe wore Evil Dead t-shirts. Everyone surrounding us brought in toys, action figures, art work, and most wore merchandise that said, "This is my boomstick." There were even a few around the edges sporting items from Brisco County Jr.

And among them all, there I stood, wearing nothing to make me stand out - aside from a chakram necklace. See, Bruce Campbell was a recurring character on Xena: Warrior Princess, and I was a great big nerdy girl back in the day (alright . . . I still am.)

As excited as Matt and Joe were about meeting Ash from Army of Darkness fame, I was going to stand face to face with Autolycus, the King of Thieves. And I was giddy and stupid about it to begin with.

So Bruce came out and did a short Q and A, and soon after we all stood in line awaiting our turn to meet the famous B movie actor. As we waited, a book store employee came and asked us our names and how to spell them. Then, he wrote them down and stuck the post-it on the inside cover of the book. That way Bruce wouldn't have to bother asking how to spell your name when he personalized your book by signing it directly to you.

This apparently sparked a game that Mr. Campbell started playing with himself at the beginning of his book tour months earlier. He would take the book in his hand (without opening it), look at your and guess your name. Thus far he had been unsuccessful. Matt and Joe each took their turn, sitting down beside the celebrity, who insisted we call him Bruce. They asked their questions regarding the possibility of a new Evil Dead sequel, and the new Army of Darkness videogame coming out later the next year. Bruce guessed each of their names.

He looked at Matt and said, "Barnaby."

(Matt doesn't actually remember the guess, but it was something really goofy like that.)

He looked at Joe and said, "Miguel."

(Which was a little racist cause Joe is Mexican.)

 

Bruce finishing signing Joe's book

Then came my turn. I grinned and handed him my book, at which point he set aside and asked me to sit down and talk with him. I grinned like a goofy idiot and he immediately noticed my necklace and smiled, grateful I assume for a chance of pace. I asked him what it was like to work with Lucy Lawless and to kiss Renee O'Connor, to which he replied with a grin, "What do you think?"

Then came time to sign my book. He turned, looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Jessica."

I widened my stare. "Yes."

He laughed. "No, really kid, what's your name?"

"Jessica," I replied, my face turning a deeper shade of red.

He opened the book, not believing me, but there it was in print. "Jessica."

This was where I should have blacked out.

Bruce immediately jumped to his feet and crawled on top of the desk where he started shouting. "Attention everyone! I have been guessing the names of everyone I sign books for. And in all these months I have not guessed a single one correctly. UNTIL NOW! Everyone here must know that the name Jessica...." 

And he then pointed to me . . . and I stopped hearing anything because the blood pooling in my face was now leaking into my ears. He eventually signed the book and handed it over, taking my hand and thanking me for breaking his curse. I thanked him and ran away as quickly as my shaking legs could carry me.

A few years later, at the release of his second book, we went to meet him again. This time I brought pictures for him to see. Pictures that he signed and said, "Did you know that this store only lets me sign the books now? They don't let me sign anything else, but obviously I'm going to sign this!"

Cause I was special.

Or something.



Thanks to MamaKat for the writing prompt.