I Would Die for That

I'm giving y'all a warning upfront: This post is in no way meant to offend or hurt anyone in particular. But as a part of being my bare foot self, I'm trying to post when things are fresh, raw and sometimes . . . painful. Which means now, in the middle of my meltdown.

Today I found out that someone close to me is pregnant. Someone I never thought would be pregnant before me. It caused a lot of feelings to go through me. Mostly because after 6 years of marriage - 6 years of trying, we are still one person shy of a family.

This does not mean I am not happy for those around me that do get pregnant. I am. Believe me I am! I want to stress that as much as possible because another friend said she would feel bad if she got pregnant and I did not. I want the world to experience what I - so far - cannot.

But it still hurts.

It hurts when in the 6 years I've been trying . . .

16 new babies have been born into my family. 2 sets of twins. 2 of the parents are younger than me. For them I celebrate.

3 friends have accidentally gotten pregnant, and given their babies up for adoption. For them I am proud.

4 friends have accidentally gotten pregnant, and had abortions. 2 of which did not have a choice. All of which remain emotionally changed forever - and not for the better. For them I mourn, I grieve, I support through their healing, and I weep for their broken hearts.

2 of my best friends knows how I feel. For them I cry alongside, and I pray.

3 of my best friends have gotten pregnant 3 times while trying - - - for them my heart leaps for joy.

For my baby sister, who found out today that in 8 months she's going to be a Mom . . . I am happy for you.

So please . . . do not take my tears personally.

Before anyone comments, remember my rule about pity words.

And because this post was WAY WAY serious, here's a post I previously wrote on a similar subject that's a little more upbeat.