Open letter to the customer that came in this morning and flooded my store with coffee . . .

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Hey Douche Nozzle!

Dear Sir,

I fully understand that you thought you were being helpful when you approached me and said, "Excuse me, but I think someone spilled coffee over here." And at the time, I totally appreciated it. People spill coffee. It happens. However, you were the only customer that came in at that point. So that was your coffee you spilled you effing butt crack!

Oh and when you left the store in a hurry, I'm aware it was because you knew exactly what you did you moron! You held the lever on the coffee machine down and it locked in place, and instead of saying, "Excuse me, please help, coffee is spilling everywhere." You just bolted.

So when I came out there to wipe up what I thought was going to be a small mess of coffee, I was greeted by a sea of coffee covering the counters and floor so thick that I needed a large staff a crowd of Jews and the power of God to make a pathway to walk!

Why the face?!

But it's okay. Cause I'm used to smelling like coffee and having my hands stained a pretty 'cafe latte' color. All Mormons totally dig that! It's the next best thing to smoking and premarital sex. I realise my religious issues are not your problem, but frankly, the fact that your were apparently raised by wolves shouldn't be my problem, and yet here we are . . . soaking in an ocean of House Blend.

You know what?! I wanted to scrub the counters, floor and under the soda machine anyways! So there!

Asshat!

Thank you and come again.