How to make a debit purchase at a gas station without having the crazy redhead behind the counter stab you in the face with the key to the restroom

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Hi, I'm Untypically Jia. I'll be your Clerk for the day. Oh? You'd like to purchase some gas and various salty and sweet snacks? Have you also seen our variety of fountain drinks, lotto scratchers and coffee? And how will you be paying? A debit card? Yes I can most certainly help you with that. But first I must ask you one question...

Are you a jackass?

No? Well, we'll see.

Step One - Listen to your Clerk

"Please slide your card in the machine, enter your pin number 
and press the second button down from the top."

"Yes, I realise it's a little confusing. 
I meant the second button down from the very top."

Step Two - Actually Listen to Your Clerk. She really does know what she's talking about.

"I understand you thought it was asking you for your pin number again. 
I assure you, it's not. 
Just press the second button down from the very top to accept the charges."

Step Three - Stop bitching about how much gas costs these days. We know. WE ALL KNOW. Now pay attention!

"No, it wasn't asking you if you wanted cash back. 
And actually, you just canceled the transaction. 
We have to start all over again. 
Now slide your card, enter your pin and press the second button down from the top."

Step Four - I get that you're in a hurry. It's why I'm still smiling and being patient with you despite the fact that you're not being patient with me. This very fact is the one thing still saving your stupid little life. Perhaps numbers are too difficult for you. Do you like colors? Here, I have a sharpie!

"Please press the big blue button."

"That's not even a button? 
Are you effing kidding me? 
You're touching the screen. 
It's not even a touch screen!"

Step Five - Perhaps I over reacted. It's been a long day of well . . . THIS.

"Please press the big blue button, second down from the very top that has the giant arrow pointing to it."

"You bought gas today! Are you kidding me?! You actually drive a car?! 
Like someone handed you a drivers license? Did you sleep with them? 
You couldn't have even been very good. 
You can't even follow simple directions using your index finger let alone any other appendage!"

Step Six - Take several steps back before you get seriously injured.

"That button! You see where I'm pointing! 
Right where my finger is touching but legally I can't press it for you, that effing button! 
No, don't say 'Oh!' like you just now found it."

Step Seven - Thank you and come again.