Untypical Christmas

It may be a scrapbook paper tree, Dollar Store stockings, and presents wrapped in newspaper, but it was the best Christmas we've had so far. It was the first Christmas we spent alone together. It was the first Christmas we spent in our own apartment. It was the first Christmas we put up our own tree, stuffed our own stockings, and had our own traditions.

It was also Willow's first Christmas stocking . . .

She is not a fan of Snowmen.

i can haz christmas?

Meet the newest addition to our family.

Priya.

We named her after a character of Dollhouse, sticking with our original Joss Whedon themed names for our pets.

She's fitting in nicely with her new family.

For reals, it's like she's our natural born child.

PS: I would expect plenty more Priya themed lolcat pictures and posts in the future. You've been warned.

How Steven Spielburg Ruined Christmas (among other things)

Kidding, he didn't ruin Christmas. But I maintain that he's responsible for a lot of wrong done in the world.

Matt: Wanna watch Band of Brothers with me?

Me: No.

Matt: C'mon, you liked Saving Private Ryan.

Me: I like movies with Tom Hanks in them.

Matt: Tom Hanks is an executive producer.

Me: I like movies with Tom Hanks IN them.

Matt: But it's made by Steven Spielburg.

Me: I hate Steven Spielburg.

Matt: Blasphemy! You love Steven Spielburg.

Me: Hate him and everything he stands for.

Matt: What about The Land Before Time?

Me: The Land Before Time was one of the greatest movies ever made. But he became responsible for it once it was created. It was his creation and he let someone rape it into 70 soulless sequels.

Matt: Fair enough. What about Jurassic Park?

Me: Jurassic Park 2.

Matt: Jaws.

Me: Jaws 3.

Matt: E.T?

Me: That's not even funny! (note: I'm afraid of ET)

Matt: Indiana Jones!

Me: Indiana Jones 4!

Matt: You can't blame that all on him. George Lucas had more to do with that.

Me: Do you really want me to get started on George Lucas?

Matt: The Color Purple?

Me: Hmm . . .  you got me there. I like The Color Purple.

Matt: I thought you were gonna fight back with "the rest of Oprah's sold out career".

Me: Oh!

Matt: Too late!

To be completely fair, there are apparently plenty of movies Spielberg had a hand in that I greatly enjoyed. At least according to IMDB. I maintain my stance on George Lucas however.

2009 We'll Hardly Miss Ye

I was determined to get a Christmas letter out, but being the procrastinator that I am, I had plenty of excuses not to do so, many of which included lack of money for stamps, needing to lose weight before getting a family photo taken, and as well as not having addresses to people I wanted to send the letter to. But thanks to blogging, twitter and facebook, I won't have that problem now will I?


Dear Family & Friends,

2009 was a year we won't soon forget, and not always for the best of reasons. While many good things did occur, 2009 seemed to be a year that God was determined to test us, and is still testing us. I'm hoping December 31st will be my final so I can take some weight off my shoulders on New Years morning.

January 2009 found Matt and I still living with his parents, having recently survived 2008 which wasn't very pretty either. Matt had recently found a job working with Citigroup and I was still working from home doing freelance writing and other web work as a virtual administrative assistant. My time however was being consumed more often by the fact that Willow had puppies (thanks to a dog that jumped the fence) and the terrible mistake that Matt's mother made by handing us a copy of Twilight.

February was a breather in the year that would bring us many new trials. Matt finally got Valentine's Day right, and outdid himself so greatly that Valentine's Day 2010 will be pretty awful for him in attempting to top the year before. We also celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary!

As with every year, the month of March had me bleeding green.

In April Matt and I received word that we had a new niece up in Utah as Lily Jane was born to my older sister Tiffany. This is also the month I outed myself on the internet as having obsessive compulsive disorder. We also found a gas leak in the house!

May was amazing. The month started off with a 7 day cruise to Jamaica with some amazing friends! I also celebrated my 25th birthday and apparently made the transition to "closer to 30 than 20". I'm pretty sure it all went down hill from there. But there were some perks to be honest, like moving into our own apartment in Albuquerque.

In addition to spending the month of June unpacking and settling into our new apartment with two dogs that were used to having a large backyard, I kept one standing tradition. I also broke my toe.

In July I got a temporary job outside of the home which turned out to be completely miserable. On the plus side, we finally got to go to our new ward and meet the wonderful people at Church that would so dearly affect our lives in the coming months with many prayers, tips, advice and interventions that would help keep us emotionally and physically surviving.

In August, in addition to my daily panic attacks, I also had an injury that put me on bed rest for a week. I still don't know quite what happened, but I'm pretty sure it was an old injury just popping up to say hello. Thankfully the Relief Society took good care of us while I was out of commission.

September was the calm before the storm . . . where the only thing that disturbed the waters was my blogging.

October, October . . . I wish I didn't know you. October started with Matt deciding what he wanted to do with his life and our future, and shortly after unfortunately losing his job -- but not before Willow almost died in my arms leaving a permanent scar on my heart. October did however give us another new niece thanks to Matt's older brother and his wife, Leah Colette.

November was a slow recovery month for us where things didn't really get worse, but didn't get better. At the same time up in Utah, my sister opened her own baby boutique, of which I am completely proud of her for!

December found me back in the work force, training to become an assistant manager at the gas station across the street. Matt has found seasonal work with Kohls and we still struggle to make ends meet, but they are somehow being met thanks to God and good people. Willow has completely recovered from her episode in October, and though we miss seeing Matt's parents on a daily basis, we're happy to finally have a home of our own, no matter how small and cracked it sometimes feels.

I look forward to 2010, hoping it will bring peace to our world. It's bringing children into the lives of our friends and family and new roads taken. We still don't know what's going to happen in the future, but we're together, and we have God to guide us, family nearby, and friends who stand at our side.

2009 was rough, but we're almost through it and I certainly hope the storm has passed.

Theme for 2009:

Real Tree, Artificial . . . or Other?

When my husband and I came under a strict budget this Christmas we were sad to think that we wouldn't have a Christmas tree. The real ones are often so expensive and artificial ones we found (unless half a foot tall) were equally as pricey. We were going to spend our first Christmas in our new home without a tree!

But if you have little money and an over abundance in craft supplies you can make your own Christmas tree! Rifling through my scrapbook supplies I pulled out all the green paper I had, including some pretty blue printed papers for diversity, and I cut out random leaf shapes. One by one I attached them to my wall in the shape of a Christmas tree using regular old masking tape. Once the tree was in place, instead of adding lights (cause hot electric wires on paper would be a bad idea) I added tiny stickers of stars all over the little leaves. I found old clip art that was festive and added that as well.

When it came time for the ornaments, I simply hung them up on the tree using push pins and a few small nails for the heavier ones. The best thing about this tree is it really comes from the heart and if I take it down gently, I can use it over and over again, and next year add more leaves to make it bigger. A craft project for the whole family!

This post is featured at Family Survival 101

Decorate Christmas Cookies Like a Pro!

So I'm featured over at Family Survival 101 again today with my tips on how to decorate Christmas cookies with your children. Unfortunately the pictures above of the cookies my husband and I did last year for Christmas did not involve children at all . . . but I'm pretty sure the basic principles between toddlers and 25 year old adults on a sugar high are pretty transferable.

Creating Holiday Traditions

 Gifts can create traditions. I recall the first Christmas my husband and I spent as a married couple. We had been married for less than a year, and wanted to begin our own family traditions but we couldn't think of anything special.

Being newlyweds, we were short on funds and were worried about coming up with money to buy the perfect present for one another. One evening, while shopping for presents we came upon a small gift shop that sold Christmas tree ornaments. One immediately called out to us. A tiny little heart with two penguins on it and written below was, "Our First Christmas."

It was the perfect gift.

The following Christmas, we found a little cart in the mall that sold handmade ornaments. After finding our penguin family, we each handed over our half of the price, and the shop keeper offered to even hand paint our names on the ornament for us. The following Christmas I bought a tiny ornament of a penguin holding a candy cane. The Christmas after that, my husband bought me a penguin on a snowboard, covered in glitter. Each year we buy one new penguin for each other, always looking out for that baby penguin ornament that we can purchase when we have our own children. We hope to one day have a whole tree of penguins.

You can read the rest of this article where it's currently being featured at Family Survival 101!

Secret Public Message to My Wife.

Ladies and possibly gentlemen, I am Jessi's husband Matt, and lately I have felt inspired to write. Granted normally my feelings towards putting fingers to the keyboard are more toward a fiction story feeling I have had brewing for some time now, but my wife doesn't know that I am currently on her blog at 3:30 in the morning putting a post together that will have no frills, no pictures, only expanses of white littered with a poor man's inability to tell his wife to her face the things he needs to say.

My wife (Jessi) is many things. She is the center. She is a lynch pin. She's a helpful 11th finger when tying bows and string. She's a creator, a writer, a storyteller, a friend, a photographer, an angel.  She loves me even when I can't love myself, she is always on my side, even when we argue, and she has no fear (except volcanoes and frogs.)

She came into our marriage from a family of strong willed and opinionated women, and men who just weren't there, and yet she is a conservative warrior woman, who everyone knows if you have something bad happen at a restaurant she is the one to sick on the the voice cracking fool at the counter.

She is my love, my life, MY wife.

I lost my job near the end of October and this time around its quite possibly (aside from almost and completely dead dogs, short notice moves and bounced checks) the worst thing that's happened to me and my family. Jessi tirelessly switched turns with me at the computer filing job applications and looking up driving routes to possible job interviews, whilst filling out applications on my behalf so much so that perspective jobs would call and say they received, to my surprise, my resume.

I recently got a part time seasonal job at Kohl's that so far looks great, but in the interim my wife took a figurative bullet for me. She looked for and has taken a job outside of our home. Many of you have already heard some of her stories there and though it maybe doesn't translate in type she loves it. It has however taken away her spiritual centering once a week of our home ward, our loving brothers and sisters at church.

Some of you, say to yourselves, "So? She'll get to go, it'll happen." I do wish that it will for her and I. With what we have going on we definitely need it. Jessi recently told me that she found her temple recommend, I said that it was great and that I was happy. She looked crushed, when will we have time? I am sure that was the thought she had, it kills me that the first time that we have been married I truly needed her to work outside the home, this wasn't a measure to pay off some outstanding debt, this is to keep electricity, heat, phones, internet (Jessi's second online job requires it) and our car payment paid so we don't lose these things. It is a sacrifice that she has taken upon herself for us, and while it was one of the things that I listed to her in our private, "What are you thankful for," topics around Thanksgiving, I am grateful for her opportunity, but at what price does it come?

Jessi likes things clean and pretty and hopefully she will have to go to work before she can lay her hands on this post, before she can pretty it up, add pictures, song quotes, jokes about Bon Jovi or whatever. I wanted her friends and family, whomever reads this, to see what I have to say. Its hardly hard hitting, and the flow of it all I'm sure is off, but this is me, gristle, bone, heart laid bare. My wife is the best thing to happen to me, to my world, I try to live to her example. I know I should live a Christ-like life, but if I aim my sites to be half the person my wife is I am sure I won't be far off.

           Thank you all for your time and proverbial ears,

            Matt Woodruff, (starstruck lover)

Pillow Talk Revisited

Matt: Do you think you could eat a pillow in one sitting?

Me: Is the pillow made out of food? Or is it just a pillow?

Matt: Just a pillow.

Me: Am I being paid for this? Threatened? Or bored?

Matt: All three.

Me: Am I hungry?

Matt: Yes.

Me: Is it clean?

Matt: Yes.

Me: Who slept on it last?

Matt: No one.

Me: Then where the heck has it been?

Matt: Sitting on top of the dryer.

Me: Ew! The top of the dryer has lint and dust on it. Why would you even suggest eating a pillow like that!?

I am Jack's Medulla Oblongata....

Have y'all seen Fight Club lately? Do you remember this part?  

"Listen to this. It's an article written by an organ in the first person. "I am Jack's medulla oblongata. Without me, Jack could not regulate his heart rate or breathing." There's a whole series of these. "I Am Jill's Nipples." "I Am Jack's Colon." "I Get Cancer. I Kill Jack."

I am Jack's raging bile duct.
I am Jack's cold sweat.
I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
I am Jack's smirking revenge.
I am Jack's wasted life.
I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
I am Jack's broken heart.

Interview with my Body

(2009)

I am Jia's aching feet

I'm really pissed off

I feel completely walked on

I hear the irony

My skin is breaking

Pulse is racing

Get off my back!

The ankles moan enough and now I have to hear the shins, knees and thighs complain too?

Maybe if they lost some damn weight it would be easier to carry them

Pompous jerks

I'm out of here when diabetes arrives.

I am Jia's sleepy eyes

When exactly did I come with sleeping bag accessories?

I've forgotten what rest is

These fluorescent lights are not ideal, but you try telling that to her

I wonder if I could get her attention by pinching this nerve back here

I'm totally sadistic

I can change color too

Mood ring of the body

Blue, green, gray -

But not black or brown

Hazel is racist

I am Jia's racing heart

Can someone tell me what the frick is going on out there?

I'm a little lost and I feel like we're having some communication problems

I used to run this joint back in the day

But now no one listens to me

Lungs react to what I say but I hear they've been out sick lately

Don't even get me started on kidneys after the stunt they pulled a few months ago

They've been fighting with feet

Feet says kidneys helped make them fat

I'd try to intervene but feet bitch about everything these days

I thought about asking eyes to let me know what's happening out there but I don't think I can trust them

And I'm pretty sure they're racist

I'm not as strong as I used to be

Breaks here, cracks there

Tired

Could someone call maintenance?

Anchor

Anchor

(2009)

I have no anchor
Black waves rock my boat
Tear in my sail
Where am I going?

I have no anchor
Rough seas shake my core
Completely off center
No way of growing

I have no anchor
Clouds have hidden my stars
Broken compass
What's left to say?

I have no anchor
I am lost at sea
Drowning inside
Anchors aweigh

Can't Breathe - - Going Under

Can't Breathe

"The Inner Workings of an Anxiety Attack"

(2009)

Can't breathe. Can't breathe. Can't breathe.
Who took my oxygen?
Can't breathe. Can't breathe. Can't breathe.
Please get it back from them

Don't move. So fast. This time.
I gotta find my ground
Crying. At night. So hard.
Can no one hear the sound?

Silent. Choking. Clawing.
Yes, I've been here before
Heart race. I'm lost. Can't see.
Where I found that secret door

Breaking. Breaking. Breaking.
Where the hell's my happy face?
Can't breathe. Can't breathe. Can't breathe.
Why does no one see it's fake?

Breathe . . .

Need to learn it all over again.

Reba McEntire once said, "For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness."

Ditto Reba.

Also, poetry helped get me through the darkness when I was younger.

I need to find my spark again.

"Bunch of savages in this town."

Wonder where I've been lately? Why I haven't had time to blog about my life? Here's a clue:

That's right y'all, I'm a clerk.



And for the record, I'm not even supposed to be here today. (Insert hilarious laughter from participators of inside jokes.) So I've been avoiding this post for over a month now because I had been hoping that I could just ignore it and move on when life got better, but it didn't. So here I am. A working wife once again. My husband unfortunately lost in October and thanks to the economy right now, there's just not much out there work wise.

I was blessed to find a job working at the gas station across the street and am training to become an assistant manager there. It's a fairly easy job considering the square footage of the store is smaller than my apartment. A quarter of my day is doing paperwork and the rest is selling cigarettes, coffee and lottery tickets to the Albuquerque public. Anyone catch the hilarious irony here? Me, a Mormon, is selling cigarettes, coffee and lottery tickets! For the first few days I stood staring at the giant wall of cancer sticks asking my customers, "Can you just point?" because I don't know jack about cigarettes.

I actually used to smoke. But I was a teenage smoker, and after I turned 19 I was still a teenage smoker! The kind of smoker that says, "I can't believe these are legal now! Give me anything you got!" I've been clean from tobacco now for a while and I'm amazed at how often my regulars refill their packs, or the massive different brands and types of cigarettes there are. 100's, 72's, 27's, lights, menthols, menthol lights, ultra lights, filters, non filters and even flavoured ones right now, which I think is purely ridiculous.

As for the coffee, that came easy. I used to be Starbucks certified, which is hilarious considering I didn't know what the stupid things tasted like, but I could make them like a pro.

When it comes to the lottery, let's just say it's a good thing my customers know what they're doing, cause I sure don't. I jab fingers at the lotto machine and hope for the best, which technically I assume is exactly what gamblers are doing when they pay ridiculous amounts of money to play the lotto. "You gotta be in it to win it!" I hear everyday.

Working at the store has opened my eyes to a few moments of beauty in the world. Christlike attitudes coming from older men that I've not seen in some time. I watched a homeless man pull every penny from his pocket in order to pay for the gas of a twenty year old kid driving an Eclipse. I saw a man walk an 80 year old woman to her car in the snow. I smiled when a 65 year old man spent 20 minutes patiently waiting for me to fix the gas pump, only to thank me for my efforts and wish me a beautiful day. And I spent fifteen minutes talking with a handicap 70 year old who said my smile warmed his day in this cold weather.

Moments like that get me through my day. They make my feet hurt a little less.

But I've also seen the ugly consumer. I saw a grown man stomp his foot and scream when he had to walk an extra five feet to pay for gas inside the store instead of at the pump. Another man tried to pick a fight with me over the difference of 8 cents for a refilled soda, because another gas station offered it cheaper there. I've listened as many a man and woman rolled their eyes in disgust as I smiled and wished them a beautiful day, and I even heard a woman cry, "This is the worst thing to ever happen to me!" when she had to pay for gas with cash instead of a credit card.

Oh to have problems like that!

While my co-workers are delightful to be around and aside from standing all day, the job is fairly easy . . . I'm required to work Sundays. Something I haven't actually had to do since joining the Church. But there are no options here. My taking on the position of assistant manager is so my manager can have weekends off, and my schedule is set in stone for Sunday.

Which means I can no longer attend Church.

I can no longer take on the calling I only received a few weeks ago.

I can no longer partake of the sacrament, sing beautiful hymns alongside my husband, and be taught of Christ in the house of God.

And it makes me very, very sad.

My Christian friends will tell me that I don't need to go to Church to find God. My other friends will tell me that right now, working is more important. But I know that my LDS friends understand. Some may have even felt what I'm feeling now.

Something missing.

Hopefully God will keep sending me old Christlike men to keep my spirit strong.