He Will Make Your Burdens Light

Do you ever have moments in life where you know that the specific trials you are experiencing are trying to teach you something? 

I have that all the time. In the last few years, we've blown out a tire on our car at least 5 times. Each time it's been very tragic and consists of a day devoted to stress, anxiety and worry. Will the spare tire be sufficient? Where will we get money to buy a new tire? When will we find the time? How else can this car make us suffer?

And other very dramatic things like that.

So far we've learned that we need to take better care of the car. We need to be mindful of how we drive the car and we also need to have an emergency fund for repairs and other maintenance expenses. Regardless of what we learn during the experience, it's always a very stressful one. Last time I cried. The time before that my husband and I fought over the phone for hours. We've had jacks break, fingers crushed and frankly . . . curses shouted in the past.

Today I woke up to a text message from my husband:

I need your strength and faith today. The back tire blew out.

I wasn't sure why, but mentioning his need for my faith calmed me. I wasn't worried about the stupid tire, I was worried that my husband would have a bad day at work worrying about the tire himself. The normal routine when a tire blows is to alert my husbands parents, who have in the past always been willing to bail us out of these emergencies. I didn't even think to call them. Instead I felt impressed to check our bank account. Ah, there it was. Rent, Insurance and a number of other bills staring back at me, but all I honestly saw was enough money to secure a full months rent . . . plus a full ten percent tithing, something that I sadly and honestly admit, we've not been able to pay lately.

Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. (Malachi 3:10)

After telling my husband we had enough for rent and tithing (not a new tire) the stress seemed to melt away. We agreed that we would pay tithing and let God help us with the rest. I made phone calls and we were able to push some bills back, reschedule some errands that we needed to do later this afternoon . . . all without ever needing the help of his parents who happened to call anyways just to say hello. They offered help if we couldn't get out of it, and I was happy to say, "No, I think we'll be just fine."

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord. (Mosiah 24:15)

Daily Gratitudes:

1. The law of tithing, and my sudden ability to pay it.
2. Customer service agents who are kind and understanding.
3. A husband who knows how to change a tire (cause I barely know how to fill the gas tank).
4. Friends and family who are always there for us.
5. A God who makes my burdens light.
   

Featured at: Miracle Monday, Coffee's On

Accepting Help When Needed

I am a very stubborn woman.

More so, I am a caretaker, a nurturer and a helper. I have been my whole life. Even when I was a child and being cared for myself, I was always on the lookout to make sure that my Grandmother was well cared for, that my other family members were emotionally stable. Even now, I am a peace keeper. The one who goes in to remove the damage, heal hearts and cause laughter. I'm eager to help those in need. Encouraged daily by myself to reach out to help others across the internet whether they be in need of information, friendly advice or just someone to talk to.

What I am not used to doing is accepting help from others.

I am a survivor. I've told myself this my whole life. Gone through death and darkness, abuse and emotional distress. Even as an adult, suffering from anxiety disorders and physical limitations I am still the person who seeks out others to help, instead of asking for it for myself.

My aunt taught me to never pray for patience because the Lord will give it to you abundantly! In ways that will not reward you patience, but TEACH you patience. So my question is, when exactly did I pray for humility?

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:27)

This last week has been a difficult one for me. Thanks to an injury that's still not specific, I've been practically on bed rest. Dependent on others for my care and the care of my family. It's frustrating when muscles and bones limit your abilities, creating basic function something of dread. Today I did a load of dishes, made some jello, made the bed, and fed the dogs. After the last few days, I consider this a great triumph! Even checking my email has been someone strenuous thanks to nausea inducing medications to ease my back pain. Thankfully tho now, I am overcoming this pain and can smile as I look at my computer screen and see dozens of emails from dear friends offering prayers for my recovery.

It's still strange. I sometimes think, "It's not really that bad. So many others could use those prayers instead of me. I don't want to feel so helpless." But are prayers given only to the helpless? Perhaps they are given merely as an act of love. And I don't know what the prayers are saying. Certainly some may be asking God for my full and fast recovery, but I'm certain there's someone out there saying, "Let her learn something from this."

So hopefully I will.

So far I've learned. . .

• When I need help, I need to ask for it, and be grateful for it!
• When push comes to shove, my husband is the most dependable person in my life!
• TV dinners taste fantastic when you have cotton-mouth and can no longer stomach chicken broth.
• Visiting Teachers are angels in disguise.

I've also learned that when I am fully back on my feet, I shouldn't take so much on myself. I need to space things out more, relax more often, laugh at my shortcomings, and never put other things before God and my family . . . and that everything is a learning experience that teaches us something very important for our lives.

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-8)

Daily Gratitudes:

1. A husband who worked overtime this week to come home and do laundry, cook, clean, feed and take care of the dogs, rub my back, hold my hair and ultimately sacrifice his side of the bed because it's more comfortable.
2. In-laws who despite my objections, came over bringing gifts of chicken soup, TV dinners and an additional priesthood holder.
3. Friends and family members who offered prayers, help and a friendly ear despite their own current trials.
4. A body that was created by a God who knows how to heal.
5. Humility -- and patience.
   

Featured at: Gratituesday

Success and Failure in the Home

No other success can compensate for failure in the home.
-David O. McKay

I've heard this quote at least a hundred time over the last several years. Most often in Church of course and always in reference to raising children. Well I don't have children dagnabbit, but I'm not one to let a good quote get away from me!

As women, especially wives I feel the above quote can be applied in several ways:

• It is better to have a happy home than a spotless one.
• It is better to have a halfway homecooked meal than a bitter woman who complains that she can't cook anything.
• It is better to have shared laughter in a marriage than to spit sarcasm and bitterness.
• It is better to have a simple life than a Mercedes Benz.
• It is better to have a confident husband than a personal paycheck.

And for me personally, it is better to sit around lazy all day watching tv with your husband than to worry about the housework.

Which is exactly why my sweet husband went to bed with a smile and a kiss, and I'm awake at 2:30am folding towels, running the dishwasher and catching up on blogging and watching Army Wives online.

I am content. I may not have risen early and gone early to bed, but I feel that today (or yesterday to be exact) was a successful day. I could have easily turned away from my husband because the house was a mess. Bitterly rolled my eyes at his lack of help in picking through the dirty clothes, but it felt much better to eat boxed pasta salad and hot dogs on bread while watching wrestling on television than to feel alone and angry.

Now that my dear, sweet man (who actually did help out a lot today by taking the dogs for walks, unloading the dishwasher and bringing the laundry out of the rooms for me) is now sleeping peacefully after two relaxing days off from work, I can focus on the small things like folding towels and finishing up some dishes.

He was more important today.

Family and God should always be the priority, but are they? How often do we yell at our families for not pitching in around the house or for getting in our way? For bothering us when we're obviously very busy? How many mothers refuse to play with their children because they need to vacuum the floors? How many husbands go to bed angry because of a wife who yelled at him for not using a coaster?

A clean home is a happy home, but only if the happiness is there first.

Daily Gratitudes:

1. The sound of my husband snoring. It means he's asleep and I don't have to worry about him being tired tomorrow.
2. The smell of carpet fresh powder. That stuff sure is strong and it wiped away the scent of dog immediately!
3. Watching wrestling. It sounds silly, especially since I don't even watch "real" sports, but my husband and I used to be really into it when we were kids and recently we've been watching it together, and it's been a wonderful thing to share.
4. Good friends who are always there for you, even when you're not always there for them.
5. Acupuncture. Seriously, my health is beginning to take a turn for the better.
   

Featured at: Homemaker Monday

When OCD Attacks

I've talked about my OCD before, but I wanted to share some things with you that have happened over the last few weeks that I wanted to share.

In stressful situations, OCD and general anxiety levels rise, which can trigger panic attacks and compulsions. I recently went through a rise in those levels during the short time I was working outside of the home. While I'm going to insist that this was a sign that I should be at home in my rightful role as dutiful homemaker, I will also acknowledge that my OCD has reached a level where is is preventing life from being lived to the fullest.

I won't go into details, but my job outside the home did not last long. Thankfully, I have a wonderful loving and supportive husband who recognized my distress and has opened his heart and mind to learning more about my disorder and how we can both, as a team and family, tackle it down piece by piece.

Talking about it really helps.

If you suffer from anxiety or some form of anxiety disorder, let it out! Talk about it. There is no such thing as perfect. I hid my compulsions for so long beacuse I was very embarassed, ashamed, and because I felt that no one would understand. Sometimes I still do because some of my compulsions don't make sense. Like my need to wipe my face anytime someone touches it, not because of germs but because of finger prints on my skin. Like my need to rinse (not wash) my hands once an hour in cold water, not because of germs, but because I am somehow worried about the temperature of my hands.

There are the more understandable ones, like checking at night to make sure my husband is still breathing, and worrying when he doesn't call. And those should be talked about too.

Anxiety, stress, worry, depression, emotional conflict . . . these are the plagues that are attacking our generations. We are not Jews enslaved in Egypt waiting for someone to lead us to a promised land. We are not Christians beign captured and killed because of our beliefs. We are not good people suffering from famine and disease. We are not Nephites being hunted into extinction. We are simply more of Gods children, chosen for this generation at this time for this purpose. And this is our trial. One of them at least. And we cannot be silent about it. We cannot submit to it.

So until I can make an appointment with a therapist who specialises in OCD treatment (cognitive behavioral therapy) and who doesn't shove pills at me, I will do what I know works. I will talk about my anxiety in the hopes that it will help me, and with hope that it will help someone else. I will turn to the responsibilities that I believe are mine to care for - my home, my marriage, my spirit.

And I will pray always.

What do you think? Is anxiety one of the great trials of our generation?


Daily Gratitudes:

1. A husband who understands me.
2. A beautiful new blog design that I worked very hard on and has actually helped ease my anxiety.
3. The smell of fresh lemon cleaner in the kitchen.
4. A recorded episode of Good Eats on the DVR, ready to teach me to make Gumbo.
5. And most importantly today, my Heavenly Father, who despite my many complaints, believes that I will make it through my trails . . . and has blessed me with a sense of humor to help.
   

Love Letters and Food

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

For those who haven't seen it yet, after yeterdays review of Julie and Julia, my dear sweet husband left me a comment, the first from him since I began this blog actually. And it is just very important that I post this beautiful love letter inspired by food, so the whole world can see just how dang lucky I really am.

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"My wife and I saw the movie together, which was something that I was planning on since I had seen the first trailer half a year ago. Among my wife's many loves (blogging, cooking, me) she has specifically only mentioned very few chefs to me. Julia Child, Yan (from Yan Can Cook) and Paula Dean. My wife believes I never listen to her, I say huh a lot and try to make her repeat herself (her voice is music to me) but I get the important stuff and even more of the unsaid things.
 

I love her dearly and I look constantly for things for me to do with her, all for entirely selfish reasons. I can't get enough of her. Her scent, her laugh - in all her different variations - are like chimes (even the snorts). Only my wife truly gets me. I am glad to be gotten, she can have me.
 

Finding her blog and seeing all the wonderful lovely things she says of me to her friends and complete strangers has convinced me more than ever. I love her, and I can't wait for her to try making some french food for us. Her cooking boosts her confidence and makes her smile, I'm ready for that smile in another language.
 

For my wife is untypically, uncannily, traditionally, irrevocably, insatiably, deliciously, Jia, Jessica, the butter to my bread, the breath of my life. . ."

Julie & Julia

 A movie about cooking and blogging? I've been counting down the days until the release of Julie & Julia, one woman's journey in mastering the art of french cooking . . . and blogging it.

As a blogger and self proclaimed "foodie" I knew I would identify with the main character Julie Powell, and my excitement was so great that I even went and bought the book a month before the release of the movie. The movie, I have to admitt is much better and contains about 75% less foul language than the book.

What vulgarity is left in the movie is in fact unnecessary and I'm eager to see if I can eventually get it from one of those movie editing sites where they take out all the crud. I don't particularly mind it, I'm not so easilly offended, but honestly there's plenty of French words in the film already.

The movie covered a lot of interesting points when it comes to blogging. The excitement of your first comment, the realisation that people are actually reading you, the free stuff (sure I get mine from winning things on other blogs but still), and ultimately the fact that sometimes blog life and real life become one, and they don't always mix.

"Don't write about this in your blog!" The husband of Julie Powell states in the movie. A direct quote also taken from my husband who in the theatre turned to me and glared, his eyes turning into pointing accusational fingers.

Ultimately, the movie left me feeling slightly empty. Not because it wasn't a good movie. The acting was pure genuis. Meryl Streep and Amy Adams just bring life to the story, and since it's a true story (two in fact) it's pretty helpful. The love shared between the husbands and wives is real and romantic at the same time. The empty feeling I was getting afterwards was also not because I was hungry after watching two hours of french cooking (although we did need to stop somewhere directly on the way home to pick up a bite).

No. The empty feeling came from the understanding that I got from the bloggers point of view. Having a purpose in your blog, and questioning that purpose constantly. Failing, but getting up to fail again. Realising that perhaps the only people reading are your friends and family, and if there are others out there reading, what if you stopped writing? Their lives would of course ultimately continue, but have you made an impact at all?

There's other reasons I left feeling as though the story was not properly completed, but I won't spoil anyone, you'll have to see it for yourself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to find a purpose for my blog and wonder if I can cook my way through Paula Deen's cookbooks and blog about it. I could call it 'Mastering the Art of Butter'.

Bon Apetit!