Secret Public Message to My Wife.

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Ladies and possibly gentlemen, I am Jessi's husband Matt, and lately I have felt inspired to write. Granted normally my feelings towards putting fingers to the keyboard are more toward a fiction story feeling I have had brewing for some time now, but my wife doesn't know that I am currently on her blog at 3:30 in the morning putting a post together that will have no frills, no pictures, only expanses of white littered with a poor man's inability to tell his wife to her face the things he needs to say.

My wife (Jessi) is many things. She is the center. She is a lynch pin. She's a helpful 11th finger when tying bows and string. She's a creator, a writer, a storyteller, a friend, a photographer, an angel.  She loves me even when I can't love myself, she is always on my side, even when we argue, and she has no fear (except volcanoes and frogs.)

She came into our marriage from a family of strong willed and opinionated women, and men who just weren't there, and yet she is a conservative warrior woman, who everyone knows if you have something bad happen at a restaurant she is the one to sick on the the voice cracking fool at the counter.

She is my love, my life, MY wife.

I lost my job near the end of October and this time around its quite possibly (aside from almost and completely dead dogs, short notice moves and bounced checks) the worst thing that's happened to me and my family. Jessi tirelessly switched turns with me at the computer filing job applications and looking up driving routes to possible job interviews, whilst filling out applications on my behalf so much so that perspective jobs would call and say they received, to my surprise, my resume.

I recently got a part time seasonal job at Kohl's that so far looks great, but in the interim my wife took a figurative bullet for me. She looked for and has taken a job outside of our home. Many of you have already heard some of her stories there and though it maybe doesn't translate in type she loves it. It has however taken away her spiritual centering once a week of our home ward, our loving brothers and sisters at church.

Some of you, say to yourselves, "So? She'll get to go, it'll happen." I do wish that it will for her and I. With what we have going on we definitely need it. Jessi recently told me that she found her temple recommend, I said that it was great and that I was happy. She looked crushed, when will we have time? I am sure that was the thought she had, it kills me that the first time that we have been married I truly needed her to work outside the home, this wasn't a measure to pay off some outstanding debt, this is to keep electricity, heat, phones, internet (Jessi's second online job requires it) and our car payment paid so we don't lose these things. It is a sacrifice that she has taken upon herself for us, and while it was one of the things that I listed to her in our private, "What are you thankful for," topics around Thanksgiving, I am grateful for her opportunity, but at what price does it come?

Jessi likes things clean and pretty and hopefully she will have to go to work before she can lay her hands on this post, before she can pretty it up, add pictures, song quotes, jokes about Bon Jovi or whatever. I wanted her friends and family, whomever reads this, to see what I have to say. Its hardly hard hitting, and the flow of it all I'm sure is off, but this is me, gristle, bone, heart laid bare. My wife is the best thing to happen to me, to my world, I try to live to her example. I know I should live a Christ-like life, but if I aim my sites to be half the person my wife is I am sure I won't be far off.

           Thank you all for your time and proverbial ears,

            Matt Woodruff, (starstruck lover)