How Steven Spielburg Ruined Christmas (among other things)

Kidding, he didn't ruin Christmas. But I maintain that he's responsible for a lot of wrong done in the world.

Matt: Wanna watch Band of Brothers with me?

Me: No.

Matt: C'mon, you liked Saving Private Ryan.

Me: I like movies with Tom Hanks in them.

Matt: Tom Hanks is an executive producer.

Me: I like movies with Tom Hanks IN them.

Matt: But it's made by Steven Spielburg.

Me: I hate Steven Spielburg.

Matt: Blasphemy! You love Steven Spielburg.

Me: Hate him and everything he stands for.

Matt: What about The Land Before Time?

Me: The Land Before Time was one of the greatest movies ever made. But he became responsible for it once it was created. It was his creation and he let someone rape it into 70 soulless sequels.

Matt: Fair enough. What about Jurassic Park?

Me: Jurassic Park 2.

Matt: Jaws.

Me: Jaws 3.

Matt: E.T?

Me: That's not even funny! (note: I'm afraid of ET)

Matt: Indiana Jones!

Me: Indiana Jones 4!

Matt: You can't blame that all on him. George Lucas had more to do with that.

Me: Do you really want me to get started on George Lucas?

Matt: The Color Purple?

Me: Hmm . . .  you got me there. I like The Color Purple.

Matt: I thought you were gonna fight back with "the rest of Oprah's sold out career".

Me: Oh!

Matt: Too late!

To be completely fair, there are apparently plenty of movies Spielberg had a hand in that I greatly enjoyed. At least according to IMDB. I maintain my stance on George Lucas however.