"Bunch of savages in this town."
Wonder where I've been lately? Why I haven't had time to blog about my life? Here's a clue:
And for the record, I'm not even supposed to be here today. (Insert hilarious laughter from participators of inside jokes.) So I've been avoiding this post for over a month now because I had been hoping that I could just ignore it and move on when life got better, but it didn't. So here I am. A working wife once again. My husband unfortunately lost in October and thanks to the economy right now, there's just not much out there work wise.
I was blessed to find a job working at the gas station across the street and am training to become an assistant manager there. It's a fairly easy job considering the square footage of the store is smaller than my apartment. A quarter of my day is doing paperwork and the rest is selling cigarettes, coffee and lottery tickets to the Albuquerque public. Anyone catch the hilarious irony here? Me, a Mormon, is selling cigarettes, coffee and lottery tickets! For the first few days I stood staring at the giant wall of cancer sticks asking my customers, "Can you just point?" because I don't know jack about cigarettes.
I actually used to smoke. But I was a teenage smoker, and after I turned 19 I was still a teenage smoker! The kind of smoker that says, "I can't believe these are legal now! Give me anything you got!" I've been clean from tobacco now for a while and I'm amazed at how often my regulars refill their packs, or the massive different brands and types of cigarettes there are. 100's, 72's, 27's, lights, menthols, menthol lights, ultra lights, filters, non filters and even flavoured ones right now, which I think is purely ridiculous.
As for the coffee, that came easy. I used to be Starbucks certified, which is hilarious considering I didn't know what the stupid things tasted like, but I could make them like a pro.
When it comes to the lottery, let's just say it's a good thing my customers know what they're doing, cause I sure don't. I jab fingers at the lotto machine and hope for the best, which technically I assume is exactly what gamblers are doing when they pay ridiculous amounts of money to play the lotto. "You gotta be in it to win it!" I hear everyday.
Working at the store has opened my eyes to a few moments of beauty in the world. Christlike attitudes coming from older men that I've not seen in some time. I watched a homeless man pull every penny from his pocket in order to pay for the gas of a twenty year old kid driving an Eclipse. I saw a man walk an 80 year old woman to her car in the snow. I smiled when a 65 year old man spent 20 minutes patiently waiting for me to fix the gas pump, only to thank me for my efforts and wish me a beautiful day. And I spent fifteen minutes talking with a handicap 70 year old who said my smile warmed his day in this cold weather.
Moments like that get me through my day. They make my feet hurt a little less.
But I've also seen the ugly consumer. I saw a grown man stomp his foot and scream when he had to walk an extra five feet to pay for gas inside the store instead of at the pump. Another man tried to pick a fight with me over the difference of 8 cents for a refilled soda, because another gas station offered it cheaper there. I've listened as many a man and woman rolled their eyes in disgust as I smiled and wished them a beautiful day, and I even heard a woman cry, "This is the worst thing to ever happen to me!" when she had to pay for gas with cash instead of a credit card.
Oh to have problems like that!
While my co-workers are delightful to be around and aside from standing all day, the job is fairly easy . . . I'm required to work Sundays. Something I haven't actually had to do since joining the Church. But there are no options here. My taking on the position of assistant manager is so my manager can have weekends off, and my schedule is set in stone for Sunday.
Which means I can no longer attend Church.
I can no longer take on the calling I only received a few weeks ago.
I can no longer partake of the sacrament, sing beautiful hymns alongside my husband, and be taught of Christ in the house of God.
And it makes me very, very sad.
My Christian friends will tell me that I don't need to go to Church to find God. My other friends will tell me that right now, working is more important. But I know that my LDS friends understand. Some may have even felt what I'm feeling now.
Something missing.
Hopefully God will keep sending me old Christlike men to keep my spirit strong.
