I'm Not New Mooning With You

Dear Midnight Showing Watchers of New Moon,

First of all - I kind of hate you. But no longer in the same way that I hated all of you who were there last year for the midnight release of Twilight. This is more of a jealous hate, instead of a pity hate. But just for the record, your black hair with red stripes still looks stupid.

Also, I'd like to ask for some consideration for those of us too poor to attend the showing tonight. It would be totally awesome if when I illegally download the movie tomorrow from someone who taped it with their cell phone tonight, if there weren't fifty girls (and 35 year old women) screaming their heads off anytime any shirtless guy walks on screen.

You know what? Never mind, I'd probably be screaming too. I'm really sad like that.

And for those of you who're sitting in line right now searching the internet on your iPhones and Blackberries looking for New Moon updates or anything to get you through the next several hours while the group of teenagers up front rein-act the latest trailers, the women in the very front of the line are having a read along with the book, and the security guards are breaking up a gang fight because a group of Team Edward fans caught sight of a lonely Team Jacob fan, hiding in the crowd - and proceeded to eat her.

Well you can sit back, relax, and read the current ten chapters of Edge of Night.

Enjoy the movie friends.

You suck.