It's like the tooth fairy, only instead of getting money when you put a tooth under your pillow, you get pregnant. Considering how many friends of mine suffer from infertility and other gynecological problems (myself included) I think this would be an awesome power to have.
While you're "baby dancing" I would perch on your headboard and throw "baby dust" at you. Baby dust is like pixie dust, only less like glitter and more like fertility drugs
My sidekick would be a stork named Frank.
And while we weren't stalking your bedroom at night, we would go out in search of teenagers having unprotected sex, and we would punch them in the face. Cause really, would you want to ever have unprotected sex again if you were punched in the face mid coitus? I'd be all, "Let's wait 'til we're married so we can have our own place and lock the frickin' door!"
Of course you wouldn't know that I can totally jimmy the window open. But by then it'll be okay cause I'll just throw "baby dust" at you instead of punching you in the face. Then we'd be cool. Cause really, if someone gave me a baby, I'd get over the fact that they once punched me in the face.
And then I would egg Kate Gosselin's house and leave a note that says, "I'm Not Affiliated With You!"
And she'd get all angry cause I would steal her celebrity status so she'd team up with her ex and they'd become my arch enemies. Like the Wonder Twins only instead of having the ability to turn into things and fight crime, they're just really crappy parents.
But they would not defeat me because I would team up with the Duggars, and the Duggars have God on their side. And the Fertile Fairy.
Boo yah.
What kind of superhero would you want to be?
PS: It would also be cool to have a blue tail like Nightcrawler.
PPS: This post is not meant to judge anyone who's had premarital sex or children out of wedlock. If it weren't for people like that, some of my favourite people in the world wouldn't even exist. Like . . . everyone in my family. Myself included.
13 comments:
Great Superhero. I work with a lot of teenagers you can punch in the face.
Like the best job ever!
hahah excellent! i'm a relatively new follower - love your blog. incredibly witty and a blast to read!
Thanks for stopping by and following!
My sidekick would be a stork named Frank.
like the vlasic bird?? or funnier?
Ok, this is super funny. And coming from someone that took seven years to get pregnant I would have totally been begging you to come to my house.
OMG that's awesome. PLEASE PLEASE be my Fertile Fairy.
And I hope you a wearing a blindfold whilst scattering baby dust on us mid-coitus.
inkely - OMG that's brilliant! Yes, the vlassic bird! And when people get pregnant, he can offer pickles to women when they get cravings! Genius!
Jennifer - Who says I didn't?
April - I'm perched on a headboard and I'm not the most graceful creature to begin with. It's either no blindfold, or me blindly falling onto you mid coitus. You pick.
That was tooooooo funny! You, the Duggars and the Gosselins! FUNNY! :)
You should have a disclaimer that reads"this post should not be read while at work".
It caused a lot of funny looks and snickers from my coworkers as I giggled my mad little head off, totally breaking the silence.
I know a few people who would want a visit from you! It sure would make a lot of people happy! And others not so.
Desi - Considering how many times you've done that to me, I'm giddy. Of course I work at home, but the same principles apply.
Valerie - I'd only visit the ones who'd want it of course.
ROFL way awesome!!! :)
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