I Might Offend

Do you have a blog you and then a real you? I do! I do!

I was talking to my friend Jess today about how I should probably create a brand new blog under a different email so I could post things that I really think about because if I posted them here I would offend some readers, scare my family, and ruin the perfect image that you people have obviously created of me (hint: I weight slightly more than 135lbs.)

But honestly lately it seems like the only place I can really be the real me is with my husband. So how on earth can I function as a balanced person, or at the very least pretend I'm more than 50% sane when all I'm doing is living another life online? Something I might add, I make fun of other people for (Not bloggers, just World of Warcraft people. Hi Josh!)

So I've decided to let the real me out. As crazy, inappropriate, thoughtless, sarcastic, redneck, smart mouth and frankly, sometimes a little dumb . . . she's going to be let out. I'm not perfect! It would be awesome if I were (mostly cause I assume perfection would include super powers) but I'm not. I'm totally flawed. I'm not the perfect wife. The perfect daughter. The perfect niece, sister, cousin, friend. I'm not the perfect Mormon. I'm not a perfect person. But gosh darn it . . . I like me!

So, to ease y'all into my imperfection . . . I've made up a little list of things that I've been hiding from you up until this point:

1. I make fun of almost everything. 
2. I am completely foul mouthed. I try to keep my blog curse free though because frankly, my mother in law occasionally reads my blog and I just don't want to hear about it.
3. I invented the perfect curse word . . . and yes, I use it often. It's too perfect to blog about tho.
4. Farts are still funny at 25 years old.
5. 'Tarded' is what I was called as a child when I was purposely being dumb. I use the word often and it in no way is in reference to the mentally handicap.
6. I have friends of all races, genders and religions. But I use politically incorrect terms and all the jokes are still funny.
7. I loved George Bush! But the jokes about him were still funny! I can't stand Obama . . . jokes about him are hilarious.
8. I hate PETA. I would totally wear a fur coat if someone bought me one. 
9. I purposely do things to annoy people sometimes. Like say "boobs" around my mother in law. She hates it. I think it's hilarious.
10. I've never wanted kids more than when my 3 year old nephew dropped the F-bomb.
11. I resent people who get pregnant too easily.
12. Being stupid and childish is just sometimes more fun than being a serious, educated adult. Even if you have to fake it. I'd rather watch cartoons with my husband than the news. I never watch the news. If it's something important enough for me to know about, someone online will tell me.
    
13. Just because we don't agree on politics and religion, doesn't mean we can't be friends. It does mean that sometimes when you talk, I whistle the tune of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" in my head.
    
14. I have tattoos! And I love them.
15. I snort when I laugh.

There's probably a ton more, but I felt I should ease you into this transitional period. I still have serious moments of course. I still have OCD and I want to help people. I still love my husband more than anything and I believe that my place is in the home. I'm still LDS, I love God and my faith has never been stronger! I wish I could be a perfect classy lady, but in all honesty, my husband loves me for who I am. He gets me. I get him. We're 'tarded for each other.

Daily Gratitudes:

1. I know who my real friends are.
2. Humor. It sustains my life force.
3. Blogs like these that keep me laughing even if they're totally inappropriate.
4. My husband who seems to be perfectly fine with my pulling his arm hair when he's asleep just to make sure he's still alive if I can't tell if he's breathing. That's love right there.
5. The ability for us all to be ourselves - no matter who that might be.