In stressful situations, OCD and general anxiety levels rise, which can trigger panic attacks and compulsions. I recently went through a rise in those levels during the short time I was working outside of the home. While I'm going to insist that this was a sign that I should be at home in my rightful role as dutiful homemaker, I will also acknowledge that my OCD has reached a level where is is preventing life from being lived to the fullest.
I won't go into details, but my job outside the home did not last long. Thankfully, I have a wonderful loving and supportive husband who recognized my distress and has opened his heart and mind to learning more about my disorder and how we can both, as a team and family, tackle it down piece by piece.
Talking about it really helps.
If you suffer from anxiety or some form of anxiety disorder, let it out! Talk about it. There is no such thing as perfect. I hid my compulsions for so long beacuse I was very embarassed, ashamed, and because I felt that no one would understand. Sometimes I still do because some of my compulsions don't make sense. Like my need to wipe my face anytime someone touches it, not because of germs but because of finger prints on my skin. Like my need to rinse (not wash) my hands once an hour in cold water, not because of germs, but because I am somehow worried about the temperature of my hands.
There are the more understandable ones, like checking at night to make sure my husband is still breathing, and worrying when he doesn't call. And those should be talked about too.
Anxiety, stress, worry, depression, emotional conflict . . . these are the plagues that are attacking our generations. We are not Jews enslaved in Egypt waiting for someone to lead us to a promised land. We are not Christians beign captured and killed because of our beliefs. We are not good people suffering from famine and disease. We are not Nephites being hunted into extinction. We are simply more of Gods children, chosen for this generation at this time for this purpose. And this is our trial. One of them at least. And we cannot be silent about it. We cannot submit to it.
So until I can make an appointment with a therapist who specialises in OCD treatment (cognitive behavioral therapy) and who doesn't shove pills at me, I will do what I know works. I will talk about my anxiety in the hopes that it will help me, and with hope that it will help someone else. I will turn to the responsibilities that I believe are mine to care for - my home, my marriage, my spirit.
And I will pray always.
What do you think? Is anxiety one of the great trials of our generation?
Daily Gratitudes:
- A husband who understands me.
- A beautiful new blog design that I worked very hard on and has actually helped ease my anxiety.
- The smell of fresh lemon cleaner in the kitchen.
- A recorded episode of Good Eats on the DVR, ready to teach me to make Gumbo.
- And most importantly today, my Heavenly Father, who despite my many complaints, believes that I will make it through my trails . . . and has blessed me with a sense of humor to help.
4 comments:
I, too, am thankful for a husband who understands. Maybe he hasn't experienced what I deal with, but he knows how hard things are for me.
In my case, I have severe social anxiety. It's hard for me to leave the house some days, and honestly it's one of the reasons I haven't been to my new ward yet - we've lived here for almost 3 months and I'm just too darn scared to go.
I'm actually on medication for depression and will be probably for a very long time, but it does nothing for the anxiety. I really need to get counseling, but I'm scared to! I had a therapist report me to Child Protective Services when I sought help for postpartum depression, so basically I'm scarred for life.
Anyway, blah blah blah let me ramble on, all I'm saying is we may not have the same disease, but I know how you feel, and I'm glad that you can share it here on the Intarwebs.
First, Jia, I love your new layout, I think it looks really good!
There's always the question of whether we suffer from anxiety/depression/OCD/other mental struggles more nowadays, or because it seems that way because we're more open about it and it's becoming more acceptable to talk about it. I've had panic attacks all my life, and depression for a good chunk of it, all mixed in with some mild OCD, and I find the minute I mention one of these struggles, I find at least one other person has had it, or their friend/relative has it, so I think you're right - it's good to talk about it! It takes the stigma away. I believe things like this are the same as diabetes or heart disease or any other illness, and you do what you have to in order to get better and feel 'sane'.
I take it all one day at a time, and I've learned not to be too hard on myself on bad days - they come and they go. And yeah, I use my husband a lot to talk to about this, and he's so wonderful about comforting me, so I definitely consider myself richly blessed!
Kestrel - I'm sorry for your suffering. That's awful. And believe me I've been there. But it's not the end! Do what you can to get to your new ward because you need the support there. I too have mild social anxiety. Lean on your husband in those situations. Make an appointment with your new bishop and explain what's going on. God is there for you and he will use his priesthood holders to bless your life to get you through this.
Annike - I always wonder if our ancestors or other people in the past suffered from things like this like we do. Obviously not over the same things. There was stress of course, but I think perhaps they were too busy surviving to really have time to suffer from something like this. I really believe this is our trial. Our test. Or at least one of them.
I was recently reading a book that said so many years ago that OCD was the rarest form of anxiety, and now over 3.3 million people suffer from it. I bet even more actually do, it's just that they haven't been able to say it aloud yet. There is a stigma that comes with it, mostly because people don't understand. I've recently had people ask me (genuinely) why I can't just get over it and stop stressing, stop worrying, stop my rituals and compulsions and I've actually tried to help them understand by saying, "Tell a diabetic to stop being diabetic. Certainly they can change their eating habits and monitor their blood sugar, but they can't physically change their genetic makeup, their hormones, their bloodstream by willing it so. The same thing happens when you tell a person with OCD to stop doing what they're doing. We can try, we can go to therapy, we can do all we can, but in the end it's an illness, and we can only take it one step at a time."
Thank you for sharing this with us... it does help to talk about it.. and to support and uplift each other... And most importantly to allow your hubby to help you with his love and support. Thats awesome that he is willing to do so... and double awesome your back home.. =)
Loved the old layout... but this one is really nice too... glad you changed it and feel better about it.. lol..hugs!
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