When OCD Attacks

I've talked about my OCD before, but I wanted to share some things with you that have happened over the last few weeks that I wanted to share.

In stressful situations, OCD and general anxiety levels rise, which can trigger panic attacks and compulsions. I recently went through a rise in those levels during the short time I was working outside of the home. While I'm going to insist that this was a sign that I should be at home in my rightful role as dutiful homemaker, I will also acknowledge that my OCD has reached a level where is is preventing life from being lived to the fullest.

I won't go into details, but my job outside the home did not last long. Thankfully, I have a wonderful loving and supportive husband who recognized my distress and has opened his heart and mind to learning more about my disorder and how we can both, as a team and family, tackle it down piece by piece.

Talking about it really helps.

If you suffer from anxiety or some form of anxiety disorder, let it out! Talk about it. There is no such thing as perfect. I hid my compulsions for so long beacuse I was very embarassed, ashamed, and because I felt that no one would understand. Sometimes I still do because some of my compulsions don't make sense. Like my need to wipe my face anytime someone touches it, not because of germs but because of finger prints on my skin. Like my need to rinse (not wash) my hands once an hour in cold water, not because of germs, but because I am somehow worried about the temperature of my hands.

There are the more understandable ones, like checking at night to make sure my husband is still breathing, and worrying when he doesn't call. And those should be talked about too.

Anxiety, stress, worry, depression, emotional conflict . . . these are the plagues that are attacking our generations. We are not Jews enslaved in Egypt waiting for someone to lead us to a promised land. We are not Christians beign captured and killed because of our beliefs. We are not good people suffering from famine and disease. We are not Nephites being hunted into extinction. We are simply more of Gods children, chosen for this generation at this time for this purpose. And this is our trial. One of them at least. And we cannot be silent about it. We cannot submit to it.

So until I can make an appointment with a therapist who specialises in OCD treatment (cognitive behavioral therapy) and who doesn't shove pills at me, I will do what I know works. I will talk about my anxiety in the hopes that it will help me, and with hope that it will help someone else. I will turn to the responsibilities that I believe are mine to care for - my home, my marriage, my spirit.

And I will pray always.

What do you think? Is anxiety one of the great trials of our generation?


Daily Gratitudes:

1. A husband who understands me.
2. A beautiful new blog design that I worked very hard on and has actually helped ease my anxiety.
3. The smell of fresh lemon cleaner in the kitchen.
4. A recorded episode of Good Eats on the DVR, ready to teach me to make Gumbo.
5. And most importantly today, my Heavenly Father, who despite my many complaints, believes that I will make it through my trails . . . and has blessed me with a sense of humor to help.