One of my favourite things about being married is always having someone to back me up, even when I don't know that I need it. After an emotional day (hormone induced I'm sure) and a bit of an outburst toward my husband on my part, I confessed my
"Grow up." He told me.
Excuse me!?
"We're on our own, we need to start acting like it. We're adults now. Let's both start acting like it."
After some explanation, I realised that his reaction was not toward my tears, but toward my complaints. I was feeling a little down in the dumps. Stress over money sometimes overwhelms me, and I feel like I am not contributing enough to the well being of our family. I've previously stated that I'm going to work harder at making certain that I'm working my job as a homemaker as a real job. Going above and beyond the call of duty. 110%! And my husband is there to help me.
"I don't want you online for more than 2 hours every day." He told me.
He knows me.
He knows my weakness. Internet distractions.
I'm determined to be an obedient wife. I know some of you are asking me why. Wondering why on earth I would allow my husband to order me around. Certainly I could take his advice, but to be so submissive and obedient . . . doesn't that make me a doormat? No!
"And thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." - Genesis 3:16
It strengthens my bond with my husband. It deepens my admiration and respect for him. It makes me feel safe and secure knowing that in my times of stress he is willing to take over, because he knows what's best for me. He knows me that well.
"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." 1 Corinthians 11:3
Some of you are still screaming "doormat" at me. I can hear it, believe me. Should wives always be obedient? What if the husband is abusive? What if he takes advantage of her willingness to submit? Is he not held accountable? Does God give this power so willingly for man to walk all over woman?
Certainly not. LDS prophet Joseph F. Smith illustrated this point directly.
“If there is any man who ought to merit the curse of Almighty God it is the man who neglects the mother of his child, the wife of his bosom, the one who has made sacrifice of her very life, over and over again for him and his children. That is, of course, assuming that the wife is a pure and faithful mother and wife”
My husband is helping me to become accountable. Of course I'd much rather give up chocolate than cut down my internet time! Haha!
So today I'm working on some things that I've been putting off lately.
- Watering my tomato plant.
- Kennel training Jasper.
- Washing our blankets and sheets and storing them.
- Cleaning my aprons and hanging them up.
- Sitting outside on the porch instead of inside on the computer.
Daily Gratitudes:
- A husband who holds the priesthood...
- ... and exercises it appropriately.
- Beautiful sunshine flowing into my living room.
- The look of a brightly colored, beautiful apron hanging on my bakers rack.
- A husband who can wake me up from a lazy daze, dry my tears and make all the difference in a bad day versus a really peaceful day.
Featured at: Aloha Friday, Finer Things Friday, and Coffee's On.
Update: I posted the following in the comments, but it was suggested that I post this in the blog post to further explain some details into how my home is set up:
If my husband was coming home from work and playing video games all night long, we might have some serious issues. LOL! But he's really good about helping out. He's the trash man and he also likes to help take the dogs for walks when he gets home.
We're working very hard on having more of a spiritual atmosphere in our home lately.
I'm pretty sure if he does come home and wants to play his games he'll say, "Why don't you go get on your computer?" LOL!
Update #2: Rebecca left me an awesome link in the comments that I wanted to share with everyone!
Featured at: Homemaker Monday, I am Blissfully Domestic and Mondays Muse
22 comments:
My husband wouldn't try to limit my online time, since I'd consider it only fair to to the same to him (after all, he too could be using that time better, such as by actually providing some spiritual leadership in our home with prayers, etc.).
Seeing as I work full time...then come home and work even more ONLINE making money - this scenario would NEVER happen for us.
I can totally see how him working and you being a homemaker sort of entitles you to be able to well...not have to go to a crappy job. And entitles him to be the head of the household.
If I were a stay at home wife (with only a blog business) I would limit my time online to about 8 hours a day. Simply because it's "work"...but if I didn't even have THAT - I would consider cleaning, crafts (tee, hee) chores etc... my job, and do that for 8 hours instead.
I agree. If my husband was coming home from work and playing video games all night long, we might have some serious issues. LOL! But he's really good about helping out. He's the trash man and he also likes to help take the dogs for walks when he gets home.
We're working very hard on having more of a spiritual atmosphere in our home lately.
I'm pretty sure if he does come home and wants to play his games he'll say, "Why don't you go get on your computer?" LOL!
jia i think your response up there is worth another blog post, because it answers the questions possibly raised about Matt's part in your family. i LOVE how you are honouring him so much and so willingly, and the fact he can see a dangerous pitfall and willing to take over to guide you with it.
I joke about not being on the internet like i want but in truthfulness my family are happier when i limit my time online, and i personally achieve more than i ever would with laptop to hand.
i'm with you all the way on this one chick :)
debs
Good idea! I think I'll go back and add it now.
So, I'm just curious... With the different sites you have, emails to check, etc. etc. can you do everything you "need" to in two hours? Will something have to be let go or is the rest of the time just play time on the computer?
Yes, something will need to be removed. That something is coming back time and time again to click refresh on every site I visit.
Some days I honestly find myself just sitting at the computer wondering where everyone else is as I click the refresh button over and over again.
I'll be able to keep track of emails, post blogs (cause that two hours is for online time, not general computer/writing time), check all my forums and read all my favourite blogs.
I'll have more purpose with my online time.
So far today I've kept it under the two hours (cause I have only been doing things online for like 5-10 minutes at a time) and I've got 3 loads of laundry done, ate lunch, walked the dogs twice, taken out the trash and deep cleaned the kitchen!
I so need to start treating my job as a SAHM as a REAL job. Thank you for this inspiration.
You're welcome Sarah!
Please keep coming back! Readers and comments inspire me to keep on going as well.
Let me know how your progress goes as well.
Jia,
I TOTALLY know what you're talking about. The role of a woman + housewife go hand in hand with the role of a husband. There needs to be a leader in any organization to make it fluid and work efficiently. The Leader needs the support of his wife to be strong. Look at any business, any role - it all has the same organization.
There's zero shame in being a housewife and taking gentle orders from the husband, that's the core of it. When done well, it allows for friendship and love to blossom with ease. It's teamwork at its best.
I admire your strength Jia - what a wonderful example you are to all women and marriages. :)
Since I work from home on my computer, it's hard for me to sit and ONLY work. So easy to pull up the facebook, a blog, or respond to personal email (comes to same as business email). I admire your example.
I'm not sure where the Aloha Friday question is here, but it was an interesting read anyway.
I too try to be a submissive wife, although I'm not LDS. :) I've actually used my blog as a way to hold myself accountable, and actually DO the things I tell my husband and my readers that I'll do. It's been a fantastic tool for me in that way.
I also try to limit my computer time, I find that when I spend less screen time I feel more fulfilled in my daily life and get a heck of a lot more accomplished!
Cheryl - Because I'm also a writer (and do freelance work online) it's going to be a struggle. So I've allotted myself certain times where I will concentrate solely on work as well.
Rebecca - You're awesome girl! I love that post you linked me too!
MommyAmy - The Aloha Friday is at the bottom. The things I was able to tackle (that I've been putting off) thanks to not being on the computer.
Great example of being an obedient wife. It certainly isn't our nature is it?
The computer sure can be a distraction for those of us who stay at home! There is definately a balance as with everything. Thanks for the reminder!
Have a great 4th of July!
Wow, Jia. You're really speaking to me with this one. My husband has never come out and said it, but I know our home would run more smoothly if I limited my computer time more. Thanks for the motivation!
I get annoyed with my self if I don't limit my internet time cause then I don't get my quilting dome...and I'm desperate to get my grandgirlies quilts done! It's way too dificult at times!
love this great post thanks for sharing
I find your post very interesting (and entertaining as you insert your jokes). I'm assuming that your husband speaks to you in a respectful and loving tone because otherwise "I can't get with this." I would say maybe that's why I am divorcing, but I know that's not why so I won't put myself down here. It sounds like you have a very balanced life and work hard at your "job." It sounds like you're partners and that you realize you need to spend a little less time on the computer. I am hoping that's what I'm seeing here.
I keep saying I need more time on the computer because this is the only income I have now. Good luck with the two hours per day and enjoy catching up on some much needed stuff. It's always a pleasant feeling to have your home the way you like it.
I want to submit to my husband. I know that he wishes that I would cook more. I prefer to swim and work out at the gym for two hours every day. I have a full-time job and when I come home i want to work out. But I know that the house is a bit out of order. hmmm
I want to learn how to become obedient to my husband. We have a very unloving marriage and have extreme separate interests but I do not want that anymore. I want to please him so he will look at me with the love and passion that used to be in his eyes. I want to feel like I have done him proud and that he is proud to call me his wife. I just do not know where to start, how to start, and how to slowly implement this into our lives because he does not like the idea of being the controlling husband, no matter how I have tried to let him know I want him to be.
You know, I would like to encourage you to be an obedient wife. It's part of my faith too. (I'm a muslim) lol I know its easy to feel like we aren't earning our keep as housewives. But be realistic, yes we should do a good job, I think we can both agree that the Creator wants that from us. But our job doesn't end at 5 o'clock, or even on any day of the week. We wont get retirement unless we are physically incapable. Our job is easy and hard. It can be incredibly rewarding and incredibly tedious.
Tid bits from my religion that may encourage you in being an obedient wife; There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the creator. (So be thankful if you hubby doesn't put you in a tight spot where you know you're going to have an annoyed hubby)
In Islam it's said that if a wife prays, give the obligatory charity, fasts and obeys her husband, she will be told to enter the gates of paradise from any gate she chooses.
In Islam it is no woman's responsibility to provide food, clothing and shelter to anyone, including her self. (So what ever we do do is considered a charity and we should be grateful to the Creator for blessing us with husbands that do.)
A companion of the Prophet Muhammad, Abu Hurayah reported that Prophet Muhammad said "God will continue to assist the servant so long as the servant continues to assist his brother" (We are all the children of Adam thus brothers and sisters so we should assist our husbands.)
And a good thing to think about when we are annoyed with our husbands "Who ever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy." (How do you want to be treated when you annoy him?)
PS I live in Utah, funny I should run into an LDS lady's site.
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