Working Outside the Home vs Being an Adequate Homemaker

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So often, when I am confronted by those who do not understand my decision to remain a homemaker. I often feel backed into a corner and I search for answers that will please them, or at the very least make them go away. "It's just what I believe." has always seemed to go over well . . . with everyone except people of my own faith, my family members, or close friends who are in similar situations.

"Well I'm LDS and I work outside of the home. Our Church doesn't say that women without kids should be forced to stay home."


"I know your situation. You're in debt. Why aren't you working?"


"Listen, I'm a housewife too, but sometimes, you just need to sacrifice, suck it up and go make a paycheck if you have to."

I know what happens when I work outside of the home. My home is destroyed. And I don't mean the actual house. I mean the peace within it. The love in my marriage. And yes, the dishes pile up. Bitterness rises. Lethargy kicks into overdrive . . . and don't even get me started on the prospect of making a bigger paycheck than my husband.

I've been going back through old Q and A's on the Fascinating Womanhood website, just to read. I happened upon this response from Helen Andelin to a reader:

"As a matter of principle, if a husband has financial disasters and they have no children, the wife should be willing to work outside the home during a temporary emergency."

So there was my answer. But then I thought, "What qualifies an emergency?" Where is the line that is drawn when a woman forsakes her beliefs on the role of homemaker and enters the working world? A late car payment? Incurred debt? A new tv? Or is it in dire circumstances when a husband has lost his job due to economic crisis or health reasons? How lucky am I that my husband is in good health and can go back and forth to work.

So if this is the definable line qualifying an emergency . . . it makes me wonder why am I so influenced by people who question my lack of a paycheck? I've had several emails from readers asking that same question:

"If I know that being a homemaker is right for us, why do I feel so put down when I'm questioned? Why do I begin to second guess my beliefs?"

I have to then ask . . . . if we believe it, are we truly living it?

Obviously we're doing something about it if we're not going to work. But does that make us homemakers? Have you ever been asked, "What do you do all day?" by your own husband? I have, and I've gotten defensive, argumentative and bitter. Why? Because honestly, I wasn't sure at the time. I did a load of laundry, certainly. But what else? Did I sleep in til noon? Did I watch television all day or surf the internet? How on earth was I making my home a place of refuge for my family from the outside world? How was I keeping our lives in order? How was I making my home a place of where the spirit of God could dwell? How was I making this my job, my calling, my duty?

We are in debt, certainly. We sometimes live paycheck to paycheck. But would that be remedied by a second paycheck? Or would we continue to live the same lifestyle, learning nothing, if not making things worse? More money means more to spend right? It has in the past.

What about learning to be frugal? What about making bread from scratch? What about finding pleasures in sewing, and cooking, and in the word of God instead of television? Would our homes find some financial peace if we all sought to pay an honest tithing? Would our marriages be stronger if we let Heavenly Father council us on a daily basis? If I took great pride in all that I did at home, leaving everything in my footsteps a thing of beauty, would I have reason to back down from my beliefs?

So I challenge anyone who is having this conflict:

If you've reached the point of financial insecurity where you are being pushed into the workforce by peers, family, or social protocol . . . add your current job - your role as a homemaker - to the top of your resume, and honestly write down your qualifications.

• Do you perform your job adequately? 
• How often do you call in sick? 
• Are you a happy person, who enjoys their work? 
• What do your customers (children, family, friends) think of your service? 
• How would you co-workers (husband) describe your attitude, performance and quality of work? 
• Do you communicate your needs effectively to your superior (God)?
• Do you obey company rules (scriptures)?
  
• Would anyone honestly give you a good recommendation based on the quality of work, consistency of work, and overall attitude you've shown in this job?

Daily Gratitudes:

1. People who say what I'm thinking anyways.
2. Friends who add Doritos to taco salads . . . and then leave the bag of Doritos for me to munch on.
3. BYU television.
4. Vitamins! Cause I got my energy back today!
5. My husband for always being funny and making my day wonderful and humorous even when my toe is broken and disfunctional and in pain.

Featured at: Gratituesday