Swim suits.
Ah, the well known bane of a fat girl's existence.
But why? Because it shows off what we work so hard to cover up. A swim suit pulls tight against the skin making everything else visible. Every roll, every curve. It reveals stretch marks and cellulite and arm flab and back fat. Swim suits seem to be where most girls (even slim girls) lose their self esteem and focus ONLY on the negative.
I have two pictures of myself posing in a swim suit. Two. One when I was fifteen, thin but curvy and confident. But it was still taken by my sister in our backyard, and I used my dog to cover my stomach. The other photo was taken when I was twenty-four and fat. It showed off almost every flaw, and I didn't want the photo taken, but someone had a camera and insisted. I used the photo to try and see the good in myself, but I lacked the confidence to truly gaze past all of my obvious flaws.
I had convinced myself that swim suits would always be a problem for me.
And then a blogger I love did something bold.
Brittany, Herself wore a bikini on the internet.
As long as I've been reading blogs, Brittany has been a force in pushing the acceptance of women of all sizes. She launched the
Curvy Girl Guide and frequently addresses subjects of social size issues, health, and fashion! All while modeling the clothes on her plus sized self.
Now I have to admit, despite my love for her sense of humor and writing style, I originally had a hard time connecting with Brittany on the subject of size. Brittany is considered plus size. But in my eyes, she's still tiny. Smaller than me. Which means not-so-plus-size-in-my-eyes. And I couldn't connect to her issues. How could she face similar problems that I did? She was gorgeous!
And then she posted the bikini, and her exposed heart was what hit me. Brittany struggled to find a bikini that fit her. Not because she was plus size. Not because she was small. But because she wasn't the shopping average. Because no woman really is. We're all different, and those of us with bigger hips, bigger breasts or bigger everything struggle when it comes to clothes, regardless of how much smaller than me you might be. And Brittany faced these issues with a few breakdowns, some tequila and a lot of determination.
And she inspired countless women! Including me.
So while I haven't found my perfect swim suit yet, I plan to this summer. And I have Brittany to thank for it.