It didn't matter that my hair was thin with a fine texture. I loved it. I was born a redhead which I felt came with a certain identity. Something I was able to use to connect to my deceased redheaded mother. It was a way to show that I was still a part of her despite the fact that I was growing more and more to look like my Dads side of the family.
And then somewhere in the middle of High School, my hair started falling out.
By the time I was about twenty-five years old, I rocked a ponytail constantly because I no longer had a choice. My hair was too thin to do much with, and horrible experiences with the salon caused me to fear anyone else touching it.
Between poor hair genes on both sides of the family, I also had to deal with fibromyalgia (which can cause hair loss) and OCD (of which the stress can cause hair loss). But I learned to cope with it by going extreme and dying my hair pink. It brought back the confidence in my hair I used to have, and despite the thin quality, I received compliments on it all the time. But then a few months ago I started going through fertility treatments. The side effects have mostly been really bad migraines, bloating, hot flashes and mood swings, but then a few days ago in the shower I pulled a chunk of hair out and panicked. I dried off quickly and ran to Google for help. Sure enough, though not extremely common, side effects of my fertility medications include hair loss.
After talking to Matt about it, I went to the salon with my sister and said, "Get rid of it." It's too thin to leave long, and pony tails are just pulling more of it out every single day. And so we covered the salon in my pretty pink locks.
But I left feeling different.
I left feeling okay.
Somehow, I'd lost something that used to be so strongly attached to my identity and somehow I'd not only survived it, but felt stronger in the end. I'll never have thick, luscious hair. That's not in my cards. But I can play the hand I've been dealt and still win the game.
All I need now is a new color!
