Colored and Inked

Tweet

I have roughly fourteen individual tattoos.

And I love them. They all mean something special to me.

The rose on my hip was my first tattoo. I got it when I turned eighteen. A desperate need to prove how adult I was. I wanted something soft, but sexy. Something beautiful, symbolizing growth. A few years later I added shamrocks around the rose to celebrate my Irish heritage.

When one of my friends decided to try his hand at becoming a self made tattoo artist, I eagerly offered my flesh as canvas and ended up with a Triquetra, a butterfly, barbed wire, two dragons, a "Chosen" tramp stamp, and four paw prints on my left foot. Each has personal meaning for me.

And while I have many more planned (or at least generally thought about), there's one that I've been wanting for a few years now. While I've disliked the idea of getting Matt's name put on me, I still wanted to get a tattoo that was somehow . . . him. That made me think of him and made me smile. Eventually the idea grew into something more than Matt and I loved the tattoo concept by itself for my own personal reasons.

And today I was finally able to cross "Get a Konami Code Tattoo" off my 30 Before 30 List.

Easily my favorite tattoo!

In addition to new ink on my skin, I put new dye in my hair.

After a year of being pretty in pink, I decided to get rebellious and go a little darker.

Manic Panic - Purple Haze
Down in Direct Light

Pulled back in the Shade

While pink made me feel pretty and peppy, purple makes me feel villainous and sexy and dark.

It's looking to be the Summer of Rebellion!

Self Esteem and Hair Loss

Tweet

In Junior High I had a teacher who went around the room and every student had to name one thing they loved about themselves. I don't recall how it pertained to the lesson, but I do remember that in my quickly changing, growing and curvy body, I proudly said, "My hair!"

It didn't matter that my hair was thin with a fine texture. I loved it. I was born a redhead which I felt came with a certain identity. Something I was able to use to connect to my deceased redheaded mother. It was a way to show that I was still a part of her despite the fact that I was growing more and more to look like my Dads side of the family.

And then somewhere in the middle of High School, my hair started falling out.

By the time I was about twenty-five years old, I rocked a ponytail constantly because I no longer had a choice. My hair was too thin to do much with, and horrible experiences with the salon caused me to fear anyone else touching it.

Between poor hair genes on both sides of the family, I also had to deal with fibromyalgia (which can cause hair loss) and OCD (of which the stress can cause hair loss). But I learned to cope with it by going extreme and dying my hair pink. It brought back the confidence in my hair I used to have, and despite the thin quality, I received compliments on it all the time. But then a few months ago I started going through fertility treatments. The side effects have mostly been really bad migraines, bloating, hot flashes and mood swings, but then a few days ago in the shower I pulled a chunk of hair out and panicked. I dried off quickly and ran to Google for help. Sure enough, though not extremely common, side effects of my fertility medications include hair loss.

After talking to Matt about it, I went to the salon with my sister and said, "Get rid of it." It's too thin to leave long, and pony tails are just pulling more of it out every single day. And so we covered the salon in my pretty pink locks.

But I left feeling different.

I left feeling okay. 

Somehow, I'd lost something that used to be so strongly attached to my identity and somehow I'd not only survived it, but felt stronger in the end. I'll never have thick, luscious hair. That's not in my cards. But I can play the hand I've been dealt and still win the game.

All I need now is a new color!

Birthday Love

Tweet

Thank you all for the many birthday wishes I got yesterday.

I am so blessed!

I didn't have a big party or anything, but it was amazing.

On Monday I spent the day with one of my best friends. A now yearly tradition of eating sushi and playing around in the mall.

Then the morning of my actual birthday (after only two hours of sleep mind you LOL), Matt woke me up at six in the morning and tossed me in the car and headed north out of the city. I knew where we were going immediately, so it wasn't a surprise but it was an amazing gift.

He took me to Santa Fe, to Clafoutis, my favorite little French cafe. It was an hour drive to get there and he still had to work that day. But he went just for me. Just for my birthday. We could have gone anywhere else considering we just had a simple little breakfast but it's such a special place for us.

And it helped that we bought like thirty bucks worth of pastries.

I spent the rest of the day being overwhelmed by love from text messages, phone calls and Facebook posts (in addition to being overwhelmed by a massive migraine that put me down hard by the end of the night). I got to talk to my sweet Texan Grandmother, who despite living in Utah for over 50 years, has kept her accent. She's up there in age and has to deal with so many health ailments. She's got one leg, wheelchair bound, has ulcers, vertigo, sleeps with oxygen and is getting over a cold . . . and she doesn't have a damn thing to complain about. Just gives me one extra thing to feel so grateful for my life.

I ended the eve of my 29th birthday lying in bed next to my husband. I tried to ignore the pressure of my migraine while he combed his fingers through my hair and watched Cabin in the Woods.

A birthday is just like every other day.

And I love my every other days.

29

Tweet

It's official.

1. Life. 2. Loss. 3. Innocence. 4. Trouble. 5. Family. 6. Friendship. 7. Fear. 8. Growing. 

9. Learning. 10. Wishes. 11. Stolen. 12. Bullied. 13. Breaking. 14. Drama. 15. Love. 

16. Faith. 17. Change. 18. Confused. 19. Elated. 20. Happy. 21. Lost. 22. Struggling. 

23. Determined. 24. Broken. 25. Emerging. 26. Independence. 27. Hopes. 28. Joy. 

29. Eager.